Messy Faith

I remember, in the first year or so of being in ministry "professionally" a conversation that we had with our "Outreach Pastor".  He had done some amazing work with the biker community as he himself was a biker.  We had Chili Cook-offs that were well attended by many in the biker community and there were growing numbers of people from that community that were calling our church their home.  There were aspects of this new part of our community that brought certain challenges but for the most part, it was bringing life and excitement to our worship gatherings.  Well, at this specific meeting that we were having about the state of "outreach" the lead Pastor voiced his concern for the people that were being brought in to the church.  "These people that are coming in have more needs than we can meet, we need less people that are using up our resources and more people that are replenishing them".  What followed was a door knocking campaign in the "wealthy" part of town.  While everything inside of me knew that this was wrong and just felt dirty, I still found myself having a hard time arguing with the logic.  I mean, I had seen the budget, in fact I was well aware of the fact that the budget and a strain to it would mean that I may not be able to be paid.  So I voiced my concern about this type of logic but then I quietly went along.  We lost most of those members.  Even though we never publicly said anything about our concern for their "using up" resources.  Perhaps they saw a heart change in the way they were viewed.  We lost that "Outreach Pastor" too.  I think this was the first of my many regrets in ministry.

One thing I remember about many of the people that were coming through our church doors at that time, and the many people I have seen come through the doors of other church's I have been involved with, is the honesty.  If someone is in need, you will know it instantly.  We've had to get clothes for people who soiled themselves, call an ambulance for a person who fell from being dangerously intoxicated, stand between people who were about to fight, hold someone weeping as tears and snot drip down your shirt or find yourself eating lunch at 3pm because you are taking people to wherever they need to go after church.  It was messy and unpredictable but I can't imagine worshiping without any of those people. 

Some church's find the messy to be a distraction.  People can become burned out if they are always serving and there are only so many volunteers and so many dollars to handle all of a communities problems.  There is some truth to that, especially if you see all of the people who come through your doors with needs, as a problem to be solved.  You won't solve all of the problems, you won't "cure" everyone, you may not even build a real relationship with half of the people.  What you will do, is find that the people who have crossed your path have more to offer you than you could ever offer them.  That honesty that I mentioned early is a healing balm in a world that pretends.  I used to feel overwhelmed with the messy, now I find myself overwhelmed with the illusion of perfection. 

When did our churches begin insisting that everyone appear to have it all together?  I never have, never could, fit the mold of being fixed.  Some of my earliest memories are the fights we would have while getting ready for church, the arguments in the car and the collective deep breath we would all take before opening the church door and putting on our happy face.  I don't think there is a family in America that hasn't experienced something similar.  We are sharing pew space and religious life with people who aren't sure how they are going to pay their bills, aren't sure where their son was last night, can't get their meds right, can't live another day with the pain, can't seem to believe the bible they carry in their hands and they don't say a word about it.  There is a mist hovering, a thick cloud of despair that is choking out the very life of our churches.  Somehow, we have been ok with all of our problems being out of sight and out of mind but we aren't fooling anyone anymore. 

One of my favorite books as a kid, especially around Christmas time, was The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.  The book details the Herdman children, who came to church because they heard there were free snacks.  The Herdmans didn't play the part of church people.  They were suspected of stealing, they swore, they burped, and they wanted to be in the church Christmas production.  Most church members were against it but the woman running the play won out.  The Herdmans presented a version of the Christmas story that was messy, maybe at times seemed irreverent, but that captured the Christmas story.  The young girl who plays Mary has an ability to get the weight of the moment better than anyone else could.  Even after she threatened her way into getting the part, argued that Mary should have been allowed to name her own baby and burps the name of Jesus, by the end of the play she is in tears.  To people who have never heard the story of Jesus, they realized it was greatest story ever told.  We learn they were the only ones who could relay that story in such a powerful way, to an onlooking crowd.  All of our churches need the Herdmans to remind us of what the gospel is really all about. 

Lord give us messy churches.  Give us churches where you hear an F bomb in the lobby (gasp), where you may have to ask a person to put away the liquor bottle during service but you can sit in the parking lot after church and talk about what it is really like to live with addiction.  Lord, give us a church where we truly leave our gift at the altar and go to be reconciled with our brother or sister before we put a mask on that everything is alright.  Lord give us a church where wealth is measured in more than bank accounts and tithing abilities.  Where we see our richest members as those who have taken a vow of poverty to live their life in service to seniors, the homeless, widows or orphans.  Lord give us a church, where we are free to say "I don't know", "I don't like", or "I doubt".  Lord, give us a church where every Sunday we don't just put on our Sunday best but we take it off to reveal our worst, and that we commit to love each other in spite of and maybe even because of it.  Lord, the true self that you created each of us to be is much more beautiful than our false image.  Lord teach us to love ourselves and each other for who we really are.  Give us the strength to live our messy lives for all to see because we believe that when we are weak, we are strong.