You, Wonderful You — Plucking and Planting

My oldest son is so kind to share a room with his baby brother. There is a seven year age gap and I think it is pretty cool that a 9 year old is cool with sharing space with a 2 year old. Either my wife Niki or I usually have to lay in the room until little Archie falls asleep. Well, we have found that just before bed is the one time that Everett's mind slows down enough to share any of the details of his day. He will talk for 30 to 40 minutes, more if we allowed it, about Minecraft, some music he had heard that day, some comedy routines he is working on (for his own amusement), or what the latest news from school is. Last night Niki was laying in their room waiting for Archie to fall asleep. Archie had just rolled over, tucked his knees under his belly, butt sticking up, adorable face turned to the side when he let out a sigh that signaled he was ready for sleep. Everett was staring with wonder at his baby brother when he said "he's just so funny". He went on to tell about all of the funny things that Archie had done that day, how he put a stuffed BB-8 on his Thomas Trains and was giving it a ride, his laughter, the way if you don't keep one eye on Archie, you may get hit in the head with a toy. Everett then went on to tell his favorite things about his other siblings. "Alivia is just so talented. She's a great dancer and artist, and she's just a strong person". "Judah is always writing and singing songs and she's so loving". I think we could all learn from that example of an end of the day reflection. Everett chose to celebrate the unique traits that his siblings exhibit. The truth is, our kids are quite different from one another. Everett lives a good part of his life in his head. It is only when he opens his mouth and manages to speak above a mumble that you hear the wisdom that he possesses. It must be difficult for someone who appreciates quiet like he does to deal with his sister Alivia who is quite "in your face" with her feelings and emotions. She's dramatic and brilliantly talented but in a totally different way. Judah is the type of kid who I'm pretty sure just sees pink rainbows and hears magical fairies singing all the time. She laughs and hums to herself and loves snuggling up to whoever will give her their lap. Archie is bold and athletic. He goes a million miles an hour until he can't go anymore. His sleep is as active as his play. He tosses and flips and turns his way over the bed. I've never met a child who's personality shows itself more, even in slumber. That's why I love Everett's kind words for his siblings even more. He celebrated their differences.

Too You

"Too You" was what I had originally titled this post. I had written a whole post about how we are so good at finding the aspects of each other's personalities that drive us crazy but I didn't know how to finish it until I remembered what Everett had done. I realized that's where I needed to start. It is true though, if we are a quiet person then other people are too loud, if we are direct and bold, we hate it when people don't share what's on their mind, if we are conservative we resent a person that lives a bit more free. What we really mean when we say that a person is "too ____" is that they aren't enough like us. That's a tougher truth to handle. Our inner critic comes out and we observe everyone we come in contact with. It's as if there is this perfect idea of the way we want people to be in this world, even though I don't know if we would even recognize it if we saw it. We really see this played out in Social Media more than anywhere else. All of the pent-up rage that people feel, having to walk this earth with people that think and behave differently from them, comes out in every comment section. People are too conservative, too liberal, too progressive, too reckless, too giving, too needy, too inclusive, too fat, too skinny, it is enough to make your head explode. I am convinced that Facebook scrolling has trained our minds to make snap decisions about people and their opinions. I think it started as a defense mechanism to keep ourselves sane. If you weren't in the right mental and emotional space while you were on Facebook, you might see a post from someone who is a a supporter of the "other" political party and to keep yourself from hating that person you made a quick judgement. You made an assumption about what they were probably saying and decided to read or keep scrolling. That might be a good thing, in some way, but what is happening is that those quick judgements have actually created a mind of their own. We have stopped assessing what a person is saying and instead have made up our minds before we hear what they have to say. That is a BAD thing. Navigating Facebook can be like walking an active minefield. I feel the tension as I scroll, half hoping that I on't see anything that makes me mad and half hoping that I do so I can get the last word in. Lord, have mercy.

A person's goodness is not bound by what they think about politics. A person's holiness is not exclusively tied to the picture or meme that they shared for the day. It is not in the outfit they decided to wear, the non-profit they support, the bands they like to listen to. It is not in whether they homeschool or not, if they celebrate halloween, Christmas, Kwanza, Yom Kippur, Ramadan or any other day. Who they are is not exclusive to their opinions about vaccines or health food. People are good because they are beautifully and wonderfully made. People are complex, confusing and intersecting beings. The way that a person's environment, up bringing, religious affiliation (or lack of one), diet, and culture all play into what they say and do is astounding. But we don't celebrate that. Instead of taking the time to see a person's uniqueness we are stuck in the rut of trying to boil a person's many traits into one clever meme.

I'm taking a page from Everett's book of wisdom. He didn't see his sister that sometimes can be so hyper that she hurts him as annoying. He saw the beauty in her strength and energy. So I too refuse to see someone's post or hear that conversation in a coffee shop and label them as too conservative or as fundamentalists. Those people are people trying to figure all of this craziness out, just like me. They are complex beings that have millions of factors that play into what I see for a split second in public or every day from what they choose to share on Social Media. They have fears and failures, dreams and ambitions that I am unaware of. I need them, just as much as they need me. I am trying to learn that it is better to celebrate the good than to critique the misunderstood. Lord, this is my prayer for today, and a cry for fresh mercy tomorrow.