Vulnerable Power

"We like control; God, it seems, loves vulnerability. In fact, if Jesus is the image of God, then God is much better described as “Absolute Vulnerability Between Three” than “All-mighty One.” Yet how many Christian prayers begin with some form of “Almighty God”? If you’re immersed in the Trinitarian mystery, you must equally say “All-Vulnerable God,” too!" -Richard Rohr

I'm not sure at what age it begins, I guess it's different for every child, but it is fairly early on in the life of a child that they start to fight for self sufficiency.  It is a positive social move that we instinctively develop.  With my kids it begins with insisting that they get their own drinks.  I walk into the kitchen to see a stool pushed up to the counter, my child balancing on the stool to reach the glasses.  They are sure that they will be able to pour the gallon of milk by themselves when in all honesty they usually end up with more milk on the table than in their glass.  For the most part, I am ok with the kids learning and failing in this way.  My oldest is obsessed with doing things on his own.  He will make his own dinner, toasted bread and cheese, because he rarely approves of what we are eating.  He always gets his own drinks, gets himself ready in the morning and makes his own breakfast.  He is learning that the more he can do by himself, the more control that he has.  If he is thirsty, he doesn't have to ask us for a drink and then wait for us to get it.  He can just grab a drink.  If he is hungry and he doesn't like what we are having for dinner, he has to make his own dinner.  If he is ready for breakfast or to take a shower in the morning, he doesn't have to wait until I am done helping the younger siblings, he can just get started.  There is a lot of power in that.

Later in life, as our age increases and the physical realities of getting older start to kick in, we begin to see what it is like to once again become vulnerable.  We need someone to make our meals for us, to get us drink, and even to bring the spoon to our mouth.  All of life is like a mountain climb toward self sufficiency followed by a downhill race to vulnerability.  Most of us would view self sufficiency as good and vulnerability as something less desirable. We even say things like "he is so needy", or "ugh, can you believe how clingy she is" .  Our society views people who are dependent on social programs as lesser, second class citizens.  Senior Citizens are placed in nursing homes, retirement communities or Florida.  Seeing someone reach an age of vulnerability is more than we can bare.  Those who are sick are placed in hospitals so that another person can tend to the needs of the vulnerable.  Maybe if we put them on the third floor of a concrete structure, we won't have to face our own possible futures.  The homeless are arrested for loitering, told they can't sleep in parks, not even allowed to sit with a blanket on a set of stairs.  The most vulnerable in our communities are chased from view of the public.

Our culture is in love with power.  We celebrate the strong and powerful in sporting events.  This culture worships the self-made business man that clawed his way to the top. Our schools have stadiums built around the football field for the entire community to cheer on young men who are testing the limits of their bodies while at the same time most people aren't aware there is a chess and robotics team.  This is the narrative of the world since the beginning of recorded history.  The strong are the ones who write the history, the ones who dictate the way that a people worship and decide the fate of those who are weak.  Throughout history, the "winners" were the one's who had a stronger god.  As a result, we as believers, hold an image of an almighty God and we will fight to the death to defend his name.

In the quote at the beginning of this post, Rohr suggests a different reality from the spiritual power structures than the one our own society demands.  What if the revelation of God, in the person of Christ, points to an equally all-vulnerable God?   What if the narrative of almighty God, all-powerful God, does more harm than good in this current climate?  We must atleast admit that the image of the invisible God, while still displaying a power that in many ways is beyond this age, flexes its muscle through a display of vulnerability.  Fetus in the womb of a young woman, child wrapped in rags, parents on the run from a ruler gone mad, prophet speaking truth to the powers of this age, martyr led around by Roman soldiers, Messiah hanging from a cross, and the list goes on.  When God displays His character in the actions of Jesus we see a self emptying God not a self aggrandizing, self sufficient God but one who is dependent on the other.  The almighty God of pagan mythology depends on no one.  He acts for himself and by himself and for his own amusement.  We must see that the God of the Hebrew Bible never operated in this way.  The God revealed in the New Testament showed this truth in the working of God through His Son by the power of the Holy Spirit.  As a people who have, deposited within us, this same wonder working power, should we not be called to a power through vulnerability and not self sufficiency?

I like to think about how these things flesh out in the life of the church.  I think first of all, there is nothing wrong with teaching our children to be self sufficient, to a point.  I just think that self sufficiency takes a negative turn when it alienates us from the life of the church.  Vulnerability means being able to tell people you need help, confessing your sins to your brother and sister in Christ and deferring to another person's strengths.  I think vulnerability also means welcoming people who look radically different from you into the life of the church.  It means putting yourself, your church family and your actual family at risk for the purpose of proclaiming the Good News.  A vulnerable way of being in this world won't be a way to display how good and talented you are but it may point to a power that is simultaneously beyond you and within you.  It will excite and confound us all to the glory of God.  Our pride has left us, just like my son, with more milk on the table than in the cup but it isn't too late to ask for a little help from a friend.

Goodbye Cruel church

First homes have a way of holding a special place in our hearts.  I often think about the first home Niki and I purchased, so many years ago.  It was a 1920's craftsmen that had been originally built in Pontiac and then was moved to Waterford to make room for the GM plant.  There was a lot of history in that home before we had even moved in.  We were situated in a fairly quiet lake community, I don't know there is any other kind of neighborhood in Waterford.  We had a Convenience/Liquor Store just down the street, which could be dangerous for 20 somethings.  We had an authentic Mexican restaurant pretty much in our backyard that sold the best guacamole, which can be equally dangerous for... anyone.  We had a small detached garage that sat further from the quiet street and next to the garage sat the remains of a large garden.  Some of the plants continued to come up year after year even though we never tended to the garden.  Next to the garage there was a large plant that wasn't attractive but really wasn't ugly either.  We were new to home ownership and unsure if it was some sort of decorative tree or bush so we just let it grow.  As time passed, this small tree grew and grew until the base of it must have measured 5 inches.  The branches of the tree rubbed against the siding and its shade covered the remains of that once vibrant garden.  We started to see cracks appear in the floor of the garage and water would leak in from the foundation's edge.  We soon realized that this unknown tree wasn't really a tree at all, it was a weed.  I'm not the quickest when it come to some home improvement projects but I knew this weed had to be stopped before it did further damage.  We cut it down and covered the stump but the damage had been done.  We still had cracks in the garage floor, the siding was dirty and damaged and the roof had felt the branches punishment in spring storms. Because I have no suitable transition...

I've awakened several times over the last few days in the middle of nightmares.  It's been a while since I have had such disruptive dreams.  While the setting and some content of the dreams have changed, there is an overarching theme that has remained the same.  I come walking into a church or a bible classroom or, as in my dream last night, a Christian conference.  I have an overwhelming sense of being alone.  People all have their social groups they are laughing and talking in but eventually I find a place to sit.  The person leading the class, conference or sermon calls on everyone to pull out their homework on the last doctrinal topic.  They pull their work from nicely stacked folders and organizers while I, in a panic, dig through my bag and all of its disorder.  I wasn't even aware of the assignment but I was hoping by some miracle, I would find something to turn in.  It doesn't take long before the leaders of the meeting see that I haven't finished the required work and I am taken to an office in the back.  The room is filled with older white men, all dressed in khaki's and sports coats.  They all laugh with big belly laughs at a joke I must have missed until they notice me. The room grows quiet.  I am reprimanded for not completing the required work, scolded for losing the assigned reading.  I told them I wasn't aware of their request and I must have lost it.  "You must have lost your brain" bellows the leader of the group.  I woke up sweaty, depressed and a bit more cynical.

Here's the thing, I have been watching social media, the news reports and the local Christian bookstores and I just don't know how I have missed the American church losing its way.  The Franklin Grahams of the evangelical world have found themselves in bed with the political Alt-right.  They are blaming natural disasters on entire people groups.  They are saying that the Christian call is one towards safety and that we shouldn't trust muslims or immigrants in general, not without some "extreme vetting process".  While some in the evangelical world warn these leaders about the dangers of tying their beliefs so closely to the GOP, and yet, anxious heads have prevailed.  Christian book stores have stopped selling theology books and have replaced them with Duck Dynasty paraphernalia and Bibles with American flags on the cover.  I was looking through a Christian bookstore, one that thankfully still sells some theology books, when I overheard a conversation about how N.T. Wright is leading the church down a dangerous path.  I mean, who doesn't love Tom Wright?!  They declared that anyone who has some alternative atonement theory really is in danger of not even being considered in the faith anymore.  It took everything in me not to tell them what's what.  But, I realized it just isn't worth it anymore.

I have witnessed the church rush at stores on Sunday afternoons as people snatch and grab whatever food they can to make a suitable Sunday dinner.  It's almost as if they are in some other world, some world that other people don't exist in.  I have heard the stories from waitresses who have to work the Sunday church rush.  People who just left worshipping God are sending plates back, belittling servers and then leaving ridiculously tiny tips.  Social media is full of white, conservative, evangelical pastors who are aligning with a dangerous President at the expense of minority groups everywhere.  Professors at Christian Colleges and Universities are being fired for sticking up for immigrants, minorities and people with different sexual orientations.  This towering tree of white male evangelicalism is doing damage at an alarming rate.  What we need to realize is that this tree isn't really a tree at all.  It is a weed.

I've learned that a weed is really just a plant growing in an undesirable location.  For instance, a tomato plant growing in the middle of your yard is a weed.  The thing that made that tree in Waterford be considered a weed, besides being a bit ugly, was where it was growing.  Much of the evangelical church in America is growing in such a way that it is doing damage to the foundation of Christ.  Even though the numbers in the evangelical church are dwindling, their negative impact is being felt by many.  The foundation of justice, kindness and mercy is being replaced with capitalism and nationalism.  Roots have slithered beneath the Church's foundation and we are nearing the time for the building to be condemned.  So I say, goodbye cruel church.  I'm not leaving the Church but I think it is high time for a large portion of the evangelical church in America to die.  There are some foundational cracks that can't be repaired, the building has to be demolished.

Good News of Good News

It's not all doom and gloom.  There are some people who have been planted in very conservative churches that are doing some amazingly patient and powerful work there.  As long as those churches are listening to the Spirit and making small changes in progressing towards a kingdom mindset, God will continue to be present there and with those people.  I know of several churches where powerful women have remained even though their speaking and serving opportunities are limited and yet they are making such a hopeful impact in the process of opening the eyes of conservative male leadership to the Spirits affirming of women's pastoral giftings.  In many churches, even though opinions are mixed as to where they should fall on LGBTIQ issues, there has been some discussion and at least an overall move towards love.

Even if a church should fail, not just like if it may fail but if it SHOULD fail, it doesn't mean that all of those people somehow fall out of faith and fellowship.  In fact, most church growth is as a result of people switching churches.  Let's just make sure the types of churches we are planting and leading, are the types of churches that are Kingdom centered.  Let us make sure that we are equipped to welcome people in who have hurt and misled by bad church leadership.  That may mean that church is large or small but it most certainly means that it will not be in bed with the political powers of this nation.  It means it will not be corrupted by fame, security or a drive for financial gain.

If we believe the gospel, the same good news that saw Jesus taking on the form of a slave for the sake of creation, that good news that was proclaimed to the last and the least, the good news that saw the powers and principalities demand death, and the good news that saw a resurrection of power from the grave, we must believe that new life continues to come from dead and dying things.  Thankfully, that even means the American church.  Things that experience rebirth have a way of being better than we had hoped or imagined.  I still have hope that we will more willingly let some things die so that we can take hold of a life that really is life.

A Community of Need

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.

 -Abraham Maslow

In 1943, Abraham Maslow wrote "A Theory of Human Motivation" in Psychological Review.  I think for those of us who have taken even an Introduction to Psychology course, we are familiar with the concept of Maslow's argument.  Human motivation is driven by a hierarchy of needs.  These needs are represented by a pyramid with our most basic needs at the bottom and the more complex needs at the top.  In the following quick explanation I will start with the most basic needs.

Physiological Needs are things like air, food, basic shelter, water and clothing.

Safety Needs would include your personal and financial security, and a general sense of well-being.

Love and Belonging is made up of our need for family, intimacy and friendship.

Esteem is the need to be valued by others.

Self-Actualization is summarized by Maslow himself as "What a man can be, he must be".

I realize that there are challenges to this model and in many ways and in some circumstances it is incomplete.  For the most part though, most of our social issues come from a deficiency at one of these levels of need.  A person who is lacking at the most basic level of a need for food, shelter, water, and fresh air, will do things that surprise even themselves to see those needs met.  If a person has those basic needs but does not have a sense of security, they may attempt a posture that gives themselves the upper hand.  It may require putting another person's need for safety at risk but they are fighting for their own need being met.  A person who doesn't feel loved or that they belong will find themselves in a deep depression or attempting to create that feeling of love and belonging in dangerous ways.  Our need to be valued may cause us to work too long of hours or to feel that we are constantly performing to claim another person's value or approval and we will find ourselves exhausted and frustrated.  And finally, if we never feel that we have met our full potential we are left feeling underused and unfulfilled.

So, what is the solution.  Why does all of mankind constantly find itself fighting on one level or another to ensure its needs are met?  Why do people work long hours and feel as though they aren't really making a difference?  Why do people choose false and even dangerous paths towards "love and affection" with devastating outcomes?  Part of the reason that we still spin in this cycle of unfulfilled need is because the solution is not a simple one.

"It was not good for man to be alone"

When we were created, God saw that it was not good for us to be alone, so he created another.  I can say with some level of certainty that the majority of times  have felt like a basic need was not being met was coupled with a feeling of loneliness.  Meeting each of these needs described by Maslow is more difficult alone.  We struggle more to meet basic needs, we are less safe, we feel unloved, we can not experience the joy of being valued and often the thing that we are meant to be, is tied up in another person.  An artist needs an audience, a builder needs a client, and a teacher needs a student.  The first solution to the problem of need is the realization that we can't do it alone.

"There was not a needy person among them"

Acts 4:34 There was not a needy person among them, for as many as owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold. 35 They laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.

I don't know that we can envision what this kind of community looked like.  Maybe this was a prettier picture than the reality of the early church but it's still beautiful.  The community that existed in the early church did away with need.  They had food, shelter, value, self actualization, they were loved and had a true sense of belonging.  Even though their lives were at risk they had a different sense of safety, one that didn't depend on staying alive.  This was the way that the church was meant to be, it was the thing that Jesus said he would build and that the gates of hell would not prevail against it.  Where did we go wrong?

Self-Transcendence

Later in Maslow's life he realized that his theory of self-actualization was incomplete.  Being the fullness of what you were meant to be is still limiting to the full sense of what it means "to be".  I propose that this is where the church gets it wrong.  If you look at the most "successful" churches, they have all of the social programs, security guards at the front, they tell you they love you and that you belong to their tribe, you can find your value in a variety of ways to volunteer, and there are limitless ways that your gifts can be used and displayed.  So why does it still feel incomplete?  It is often because that thing that has been built could function in the exact same way with or without Jesus.  I'm not saying that any church is or is not functioning in this way.  My point is that it could.  The danger in that truth is that it is hard to see it coming.  a church full of people who are self-actualizing runs like a top.  The production is flawless, the floors are clean and there is some genuine good that is being done in the community.  Maslow's warning against ending at self-actualization was his understanding that there is no true self-actualization without transcendence.  That transcendence is the service to that thing which is greater than ourselves.  So we stop doing what we are doing for the sake of ourselves, our self preservation or even the self preservation of the particularity of our church home.  Transcendence allows the church to be in service to the church globally and ultimately in service to God.

Be MORE than you can be

The ways that you can be, in this world, are your self-actualized potential.  You were made as an artist, a poet, a preacher, a builder, an accountant, a missionary, etc.  The church is a great place to realize the potential of your gifts, as long as the leadership will allow such a space.  The need to transcend begs that you don't stop at that self-actualization.  Transcendence demands that your skill, your talent, your drive, propels you to use those gifts in a way that does more than serve your ego  It demands that your skills be used for more than just serving your local church.  The end game of self-actualization is not the creation of the "thing" or the performance of your gift.  That is only the beginning.

The brilliant artist Ai Weiwei spoke about art and creation when he said,

"Art is not and end but a beginning" 

The thing you have created in service to yourself, the church, the world or whatever you used your gift for, is only a starting point.  That church you planted does not reach completion when you reach a certain number of members.  The creation of this thing is only a beginning to something else, something greater.  Our churches must transcend their own self-actualization.  If they don't, they are nothing but self serving esteem builders that serve no function other than feeding egos.

The thing that art and ministry have in common, I would say, is that you have such little control over the reception.  Just as Ai Weiwei spoke about art, the thing that you create, the sermon that you preach, the way that you serve, is not the end; it is only the beginning.  Some people won't get it.  Some people will be critical.  It will make other people furiously angry, while still others will find healing for the first time.  But know this, If you create in service to and participation with, something greater than yourself, you will have truly taken part in the eternal.

Oh, Brother Lawrence, Where Art Thou?

"It is enough for me to pick up but a straw from the ground for the love of God." -Brother Lawrence

We live in a complex world.  We face an increasing list of demands and expectations every day.  I look at my children, who are still so young, and I feel an anxiety in my spirit.  I know the anxiety that I feel over this ever increasing list of demands and expectations will only be amplified by the time they reach college.  With the invention of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and all of the other social media platforms, the entire world has an upfront and personal look into the way that you are handling all of that pressure.  We add filters to photos, take multiple pictures (trying to get it just right), and leave out the stories of struggle that often accompany our small successes.  It isn't enough to do reasonable service any more.  Your job, your family, your coffee, your meals, all have to be exceptional.  As our young people are graduating from college, they are experiencing the pressure of landing the perfect job.  For many, finishing that college degree brought with it a crushing amount of debt.  An entry level, low paying job, would be crushing to their ego and pocket book.

As a pastor, I feel that pressure all too often.  I love, love, love our church.  We usually have no more than 16 people meeting in our living room every week.  We share a meal together and then share in our worship gathering.  Because of our numbers we are able to have deep conversation about the texts for the week.  We are able to really share the challenges and the successes that we have experienced throughout the week.  We have developed true and lasting friendships with our members.  Yet, when I get around a bunch of other pastors and church leaders, I somehow feel like I am failing in some way.  Judging from conversations that I've had with other church leaders, I'm not alone in this.  If your church has 100 members, you start looking at the church with 500 members.  If you have 500 members you start looking at the church with 1,000.  The larger your church, the more likely you are to be asked to speak at conferences.  The more conferences you speak at, the more likely you are to be asked to write a book, and on and on and on.  Church growth means success and success somehow means wisdom.  The Richard Warrens, Timothy Kellers, Joyce Meyers, and David Platts of the church world, set the tone for the entire church.  This can be for the good and the not so good.  These people have millions of readers, massive influence and insane budgets.  Far too often, that success and those budgets do not equate to increased wisdom.

Over the last few years, I have come across a few smaller voices in our church history that may have something to say to our love affair with fame.  Let me be clear that I am not saying success is bad.  Some people are doing and saying fresh, life giving, and transformational things that are being noticed by large numbers of people.  Those things are good, they just aren't the only good things.

Therese of Lisieux was one of these heroes of the faith.  When she first came to the Carmel of Lisieux she thought that she would study and eventually became a Saint.  She was determined, like so many of us as we enter into our calling.  She learned quite quickly that she was much smaller than she had originally hoped.  She meditated on the Proverb which reminded her that

"Whosoever is a little one, let him come to me"

She was determined from that point forward that her relationship with God would not be dependent on grand gestures of faith and great successes but on the little way. She wrote at on time:

Sometimes, when I read spiritual treatises in which perfection is shown with a thousand obstacles, surrounded by a crowd of illusions, my poor little mind quickly tires. I close the learned book which is breaking my head and drying up my heart, and I take up Holy Scripture. Then all seems luminous to me; a single word uncovers for my soul infinite horizons; perfection seems simple; I see that it is enough to recognize one's nothingness and to abandon oneself, like a child, into God's arms. Leaving to great souls, to great minds, the beautiful books I cannot understand, I rejoice to be little because only children, and those who are like them, will be admitted to the heavenly banquet.

For Terese of Lisieux, humility was enough.  It is funny that this woman who died so young and was fixed on doing small things of faith as an expression of love to God, is seen as such a hero of faith.

Brother Lawrence was another one of these heroes of the faith.  He was born in in the 1600's in France. He worked as a soldier until he was injured.  He considered himself clumsy, inept and not very skilled.  When he took up work and residence in a monastery, he was not as well learned as the other members there.  He worked to repair sandals and wash dishes and eventually found himself as a cook.  This was his entire life.  He took part in menial tasks and yet found a way that kept him constantly in God's presence.  He wasn't striving to be something more, he was content in doing the task he was called to but being fully present to that moment.

Once Brother Lawrence so brilliantly said,

"We ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed."

Where Art Thou?

So, that is my question for the church.  In a world that is constantly fighting for bigger and better.  In a world where the loudest and most commanding voice is the one that is heard.  When you beg for a larger congregation, more "favor" more territory and influence, where are the Brother Lawrence's and Terese of Lisieux's?  The encouragement, I hope, is that if you are currently engaged in a "little" enterprise, it doesn't mean that it isn't or won't be the thing that they look to, hundreds of years from now, as the thing that brings life and hope.  For Brother Lawrence and for Terese of Lisieux, the people around them were instantly changed by there presence.  Letters were written to leaders of monasteries and leaders of the church, that outlined this simple way as a way that would bring clarity to their lives.  Doing the big thing, especially in this current culture, has its own rewards.  I hope that you find that doing the small things, for such a massive God, is so much better than doing big things for who knows what.  If your lot in life is support and service, God hears you and is more than pleased.

God loves dish washers, not just as dish washers but as people who have unlocked a key to his presence.  God loves the elder who doesn't need his name on the newest wing of the building but is the one, when faced with the church's largest decision, that all of the elders look to for Godly wisdom.  God loves the assistant pastor who is too scared to speak in public but is the one that the quietest church members call in the middle of the night for some reassurance because they too know what it is like to feel small.

Church, don't be so quick to grow big.  Be willing to stay small, if that is the thing you are called to.  In a world where bigger is better, there is a whole lot of people looking for a still small voice.  I pray there is a faithful witness found there.

We the People

We the people, confess that we lied, saying that all men are created equal That women could star in the sequel, even take the lead

We hope to grow and throw timidity to the wind, we are particularly, in solidarity

for the prosperity of mankind and woman kind, once blind

to patriarchy, once divided starkly

but Christ's work erased the lines of all of us confined to one pale blue dot

not country, religion, tongue tribe or color

separate yet distinct story tellers

of history gone bad, of the bad times and the good

hoping to not repeat the line of humanity misunderstood

not hating a man because he worships differently than me

not rating a woman by looks and robbing her dignity

erasing borders that keep children from fleeing war outside

meeting boats of refugees with warmth and meals as they wash in with the tide

humankind should be offered health care as a right

a child shouldn't have to worry about where he will sleep at night

food shouldn't be contingent on whether you piss clean

at the welfare office you should be treated, well, fairly, and not demeaned

the requirement for marriage should be love, a covenantal commitment

ask the heterosexual man where faithfulness to his bride went

We the people of Christ, in order to form more perfect unity

do hereby set down the lie, of American exceptionalism, lazy intellectualism

believing in a young earth, being pro life but only until birth

assigning worth based on wealth, making decisions for others and their health

We the people confess that being blessed is not , not having to wait in line,

or the type of food which we dine

Being blessed is to bless, with this new measure we are empty

a closet full of clothes, technology disposed yet still it tempts me

Blessed and highly favored yet you labored not

while your neighbors got panic, praying when will his blessing come

One moment more until the church's business meeting is done

"We've decided for new carpet, it will bring new people in.  Plus it will do well to

cover up all of our lies and sin".

"We will bring up your needs at the next allowed time, fair warning, we've brought in large sums from the building fund and have yet to give a dime".

We the people confess that we are deaf, dumb and blind,

our listening to God is pure memory or whatever fitting verse we can find

We listen less, don't confess, talk more before hearing

blind men steering the ship off course

their only resource is the lines on a page, Spirit is showing empty on the gauge

No life breathed into these dry bones but they believed in the bones more than the blood

the dust more than love, loves blood beating, completing us

from the rusty vehicle of hate, I just can't relate but I'm guilty too

I, like you feared the new, even when I knew the old had passed away

New wine, old skin, ancient sin climbing back

be like God, be afraid of lack

know what's right, curse the wrong

reject the people who don't belong

but this new thing has erased the lines

no Jew, Greek, slave, free, are confined to a label

a baby in a stable said the king of kings will rule from the mud, or get a place to stay from HUD

not a hand me down crown from an orange Cheeto clown

Selah

I Call A Lie

"I call a lie:  wanting not to see something one does see, wanting not to see something as one sees it." -Nietzsche

We used to have an old Volkswagen Cabriolet convertible.  It was Niki's car, really.  She loved that car with all of its quirks and personality, if a car can have a personality.  We didn't have enough money to be able to store the convertible in the winter so it was a year round driver for us.  It leaked when the ice would get in the cracks, expand and then melt.  The radio had a bit of static to it.  Electronics on the car would decide when and how they would work, when you turned a corner the car  would occasionally honk, or should I say beep, at the people on the sidewalk.  At its best, in the warm summer months, you could drive with the top down, the sun on your shoulders, enjoying the wind in your hair.  One quirk that the car had was that the check engine light was always on.  We took it in to a European car shop to have it looked at and he said there is nothing wrong with the car, it just does that.  His suggestion for the fix was a piece of electrical tape.  The tape wasn't to repair some sort of short in the wire.  The tape was to be placed over the check engine light so that you didn't have to see it.

I don't think the tape over the check engine light really worked for us.  Even though we weren't as distracted by the light, there was always this sinking feeling that there really was something wrong with the car and that we were going to break down at the most inopportune time.  Well, I'm not sure when it happened, but we have allowed some electrical tape to be placed over the malfunction of the American Evangelical church.  Sure, maybe we aren't so distracted by the check engine light, but I am left with a sinking feeling that this church is set to break down, if it hasn't already done so.  So we are stuck in a bit of Nietzsche's definition of a lie.

"Wanting not to see something one does see"

We can no longer lie about what we do and don't see.  We are overwhelmed with images from around the world.  We see starving children in our country and abroad, we see images of bombed out buildings, lifeless bodies in the street, we see people covered in dirt and ash begging for safe spaces, we see a mosque burning, children taunting foreigners and that is all just a Wednesday.  We are having a harder time being able to say "I don't see it".  It's a lie!  There is no way, unless you live under a rock, that you can say that you don't see the hurt and the harm in this world.  The first half of the Nietzsche quote is the external.  This is a statement of fact.  Do we or do we not see the things around us.  If we fail at this part of the test than I fear the church is in worse shape than I had first imagined.

"Wanting not to see something as one sees it"

Here is the question that the majority of the church in the West is faced with.  We can come to some agreement that we see the reality of the world.  We see starvation, homelessness, war, injustice, racism, and some level of environmental impact at least, and the question is how do we see these things?  Do we see refugees begging for entry, for security from this Nation that calls itself Christian and do we say, no, our safety comes first?  If we see it this way, we are engaged in a lie.  We can not take the words of Jesus seriously, we can not take the words of the prophets seriously, we can not take the words of the apostles seriously, and see this refugee crisis in any other way.  So what do we do when we don't want to see the things we see, as we see them?  We lie.  We lie and say that we lock our doors at night so it is same thing as having increased security and some sort of fool proof "vetting" option.  But I say, sure you lock your doors at night but if someone knocked on your door at night and was dying at your door step, wouldn't you let them in?

Now I know that our government will do what it will do, I will protest, I will do my part to hopefully vote in the people that I feel will offer the most compassionate leadership but my critique is not against our government, this time.  My critique is against a church who refuses to see.  A church who refuses to see it as it actually is.  We have created clever memes and bogus scenarios to try and argue away the teachings of Jesus.  I understand that our government has some responsibility to help protect its citizens but I would hope that the Church would be on the front lines of pushing the envelope of grace.  That we would be a part of creating safe communities to welcome the stranger.  That we would be at the shore building fires, cooking food to welcome those who are sick from the horrors of war,  those who have been baptized in an unforgiving ocean of despair.  The love of those who have been touched by the love of Christ should be the most radical, merciful, gracious kind of love.  The kid of love that would risk its own security for the sake of another.  A love that would gladly give up its place of comfort so that another can have a meal and a place to lay their head.

We have allowed the big box lie of of the velvet tongued teacher, who is proclaiming security and prosperity, to slither in among us.  These false teachers have told us to just put some tape over the check engine light.  We don't want to be distracted by the glow of negativity.  I say that it is time to get the car looked at.  I say it is time we took this vehicle that is the American Church, in for a tune up.  I fear that we are in for a major overhaul.  At least we won't have to live with a lie.

Justice, Kindness and Humility

With all of the truly heartbreaking things that we hear about in our newsfeed everyday, I was overjoyed this past week to see that my good friends at Micah 6, were able to open Sprout and Micah Sips.  I'll include a link to the Oakland Press article about the grand opening at the bottom of this post.  Sprout is a fresh fruit and vegetable store that is located in place where fresh fruits and vegetables are not easily accessible in Pontiac, Michigan.  Many of the markets and grocery stores in Pontiac have closed which leaves only gas stations and liquor stores within walking distance for many residents.  The food available at a gas station or liquor store is not sufficient to nourish and grow young bodies and minds.  As the Sprout Fresh Food Store opened, Micah 6 was also able to open Micah Sips, a coffee shop that will offer a place for people to come out of the cold and have real conversation as they taste a variety of drink options from around the world.  Micah Sips is set to host its first recovery meeting as well.  The people at Micah 6 saw the needs that Sprout and Micah Sips could meet the moment they moved into the neighborhood.  Micah 6 has been an integral part of their neighborhood in Pontiac since they purchased their first property there.  They have planted gardens, created safe spaces for children to gather, played soccer, given rides, visited friends in hospitals, answered midnight door knocks and just have been truly friendly and present to every person they meet.  I think The Message translation of John 1:14 gets it right: “The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.”.  That is what I think of when I see the people and work at Micah 6 Community. As I have shared before, I have been moving through the lectionary at our church in Hastings for just over a year now.  Last week, one of our texts was from Micah 6.  In a time where the church is debating its involvement with the political process, I reflected on the work that my friends are engaged in at Micah 6 and the verse that they have named their non-profit after.

He has told you, O mortal, what is good;     and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness,     and to walk humbly with your God?

I have truly felt helpless the last few weeks.  I wake up and I see decisions that are being made that put many people at risk.  I see decisions being made that silence minority groups, strip people of their land and close the doors on hospitality.  It is all a bit more than I can take.  I know that protest is an option and I am a big supporter of peaceful protest,  but I think we should be doing more.  The churches response over the past few decades has been to try and grab as much political influence as it can to help guide the laws of this land.  Millions of dollars are spent lobbying local and national leaders to put "Christian values" in our government and our schools.  While all of this money is being spent we have seen the treatment of mental illness erode, homeless veterans, abortion rates higher (under conservative leadership), the scapegoating of Muslims, starving children, declining education, and the list goes on and on.  We have forgotten what the scriptures tell us of what God is really requiring of us.  What is good, what does the Lord require?

Justice

The politics of Jesus require Justice.  Justice for the poor, justice for the forgotten, justice for the people who's voice is being choked by regulations and executive orders.  So when the government who rules has forgotten the last and the least, we who have been called to justice, take on flesh and blood and move into the neighborhood.  DO, justice!  Remember the call to do justice when your government has failed you.  You are always free to offer justice to those it has been stolen from.  this is the ultimate political statement.  We need to hold Nero accountable, to prophetically shout down those who make laws that hold people groups in poverty and despair but at the same time we need to DO something about it.  If the government takes away food stamps, feed your neighbor.  If the government cripples the economy and it results in local grocery stores closing their doors, plant a garden and give away the produce.  If the cost of gas continues to rise, carpool and give people rides to doctor's appointments.  We don't have to wait on Nero for our justice, we have the power to do justice, now.

Love Kindness

Notice the difference between asking a person to be kind and the call to love kindness.  With all of the challenges that my friends at Micah 6 experience every day, I can tell you that they love what they do.  Kindness radiates from their very beings.  To see the smiles on young people's faces as they gather in a safe space and the way that it infects every person in the room.  I remember one time when I was riding with Coleman, the founder of Micah 6, through his neighborhood.  We had just left from dropping someone off at their house and we passed another neighbor who was staring up at the sky.  We slowed down to ask what she was looking at.  "I'm looking at the space ship", she said.  Coleman and I looked at one another, not sure how to react.  When we asked for further clarification, she explained how a space shuttle was in orbit and you could see it making a pass directly above us.  We parked the car and stood there for a while with big smiles on our faces.  We had missed it until the kindness of a neighbor broke through our initial judgement and created a moment of wonder.  Kindness takes the time to slow down and look.  Kindness doesn't rush to judgment, it's to busy loving for that.

Walk Humbly

The kind of work that Micah 6 is engaged is real on the ground training.  It isn't just training for those who are new to the community, it is training from the top down.  Mistakes are made, feelings are hurt, road blocks are put up and torn down and it all is a daily challenge.  Humility and really Kingdom work go hand in hand.  If you decide to take part in the politics of Jesus, the kind of politics that don't wait on a politician do what is right, just and merciful, you must take part with a humble heart.  When I first got involved with work in Pontiac, I thought I knew more than I did.  I was pretty sure that I knew what people needed, when they needed it and the best way to offer it.  If you don't humbly listen to the voices of people you are called to serve, you will quickly find that you are serving no person but yourself.  Humility also says that you don't have to recreate the wheel.  If you aren't sure what to do or how to do it, support those who already have boots on the ground.  Micah 6 Community's "Support" page can be found here.  Monthly partnerships and one time donors are greatly needed and appreciated.

http://www.micah6community.com/support

So then, don't be overwhelmed by all of the evil and injustice in this world.  Meet those who are in opposition to the Kingdom of God with a resolve to act.  The call for justice doesn't begin or end in a voting booth.  Love doesn't rise and fall with the political party who holds power for the next four years. The incarnation begins in forgotten communities,  it continues through faithful presence and is made manifest in the lives of all of those who have been touched by its love.

DO justice,

Love Kindness,

Walk Humbly,

To God be the Glory,

Amen

http://www.theoaklandpress.com/general-news/20170123/sprout-fresh-food-store-to-open-in-pontiac

Risky Business

"Bad theology is like pornography-the imagination of a real relationship without the risk of one."-Richard Rohr I've been thinking a lot about my time in my graduate program at Rochester College.  It was a Masters of Religious Education in Missional Leadership.  I still follow the program's Facebook page and as they depart for the semester's intensive weeks around the country, I reflect on the experience that I had as well.  I noticed this past week that the cohort was experiencing the intensive in Portland, Oregon.  I'll never forget a class that we had in our time in Portland where we were forced to really look at what we thought about hell, salvation, other cultures and religious groups and most importantly, why we thought those things.  We had to ask why so many died in Rwanda in a genocide that was one group of Christians ruthlessly eliminating another.  We looked at the way that art and culture intersect faith and belief in so many beautiful and surprising ways.  Those conversations really began a change in me.

Rewind a year or so before that trip when I had applied for a position in the program. I was fresh into ministry and still reeling from my first year in biblical studies.  I was not the typical college ministry graduate who spent a year in ministry and then jumped into a Seminary program.  I had wrestled with the idea of ministry, made a million bad choices, worked in the business world, stumbled into ministry and quickly became aware of how ill-equipped I was.  Couple this with a growing tension within myself where scripture, the move of God and church life seemed to clash, more than inform one another.  I was well trained in intuiting what people wanted to hear from me and playing the part.  I'm not saying that none of it was real but I have to say a good part of it was simply interpreting and then going through the motions.  If I found myself in a group of conservative Christians, I could quickly play the part of conservative.  If I found myself among a more progressive group I would be more than willing to push the boundaries a bit.  I wrote my essay to the head of the department at Rochester College, an essay that I don't wish to revisit any time soon.  In it, I was honest about my past, confused about my present and clueless about my future.  I included goals that if I was to sum up what I wanted then,  would read like, "I really want this piece of paper that will make me legitimate and a person that church people would blindly follow.  I do want to know how to play the part of missionary through different outreach strategies and I would like to learn all of the necessary scriptures to argue why my way is the best.  If I could do this without having to feel doubt, sadness, or any type of inferiority, that would be best.  Best wishes, Your future student, Matt."  It is grace upon grace that someone was willing to take a chance on me.

For most of my life in the church I was able to get by learning answers, remembering verses and taking part in worship.  Engaging scripture was nothing more than finding the right answer to a problem.  Worship was showing up and knowing what came next.  I know I have brought it up before but I can still hear the sound of every hymnal being pulled from the pew at the exact same time.  We often are running through the motions without any real engagement.  Something happened to me in my time with my MREML cohort at Rochester.  I was exposed.  I had treated the books of the bible like some calendar of scantily clad verses and texts.  Each month had its greatest hits.  The verses that gotten me really excited because they were comfortable and brought the most immediate satisfaction.  I realized that for the deep passionate questions we were wrestling through, a quick flip through the pages of scripture would no longer suffice.  I was going to have to give more.  The engagement with scripture and life that I would encounter was going to take all of me.  It would keep me awake at night, wake me up early, beg time and attention when I didn't have it.  A real, honest, engagement with scripture was going to take a relationship and not a peep show.

Richard Rohr's quote at the beginning of this post has a way of slapping you in the face.  It seems harsh and maybe a bit cheeky but there is no way around it.  We have become victims of the pornification of worship and church life.  In fact, we often choose a place of worship based on how it makes us feel.  Can we direct the bright lights, that cost 10 times more than actual buildings in third world countries, to shine in such a way that we don't have to see any of the untrained professionals.  Money is spent on the website that locks our gaze on its amazing fonts and flash content. A new coat of paint, like the layers of make-up, covering the dark circles and wrinkles of a checkered past.  Theater seats greet new members and paying customers alike. Teens and children are hooked by the bright carnival like atmosphere, entranced and enchanted by the show.  "Take the slide to your classroom.", which spills out into a giant ball pit.  "Parents, don't worry, we will text you if we need your help."  James K. A. Smith, in his latest book "You are What You Love", questions these tactics in engaging our church members.  Whether we want to admit it or not, we are afraid that what the gospel has to offer simply isn't enough any more.  It's like the husband or wife that reaches a point in their marriage where they are trying to "keep it fresh and exciting" when all that the marriage actually needs is a return to their first love.  It is the love that the marriage was founded in and on, the covenantal vows and the way that the two remain invested in and attuned to the other that keeps life firing inside.  All the while, society shows us an illusion of beauty that is high on gloss and short on substance.

With all of the risk of a true covenantal relationship, the rise of pornography is a true epidemic in this country.  For many, the risk of relationship is too great.  Why risk the hurt of a relationship, why risk appearing foolish or lacking?  The epidemic even reaches those who are in marriages and relationships, perhaps even more so.  What you are asking for is the one thing that a true partner can not provide:  Relationship without risk.  So, I ask you to look closely at the way that you engage scripture and the church.  Do you back off and disappear when things get rough?  Are you looking for a dressed up and flashy presentation because it is more appealing to the eye?  Have you, within your favorite scriptures, created an incomplete and even false picture of God so as to avoid being challenged?  A real relationship is ugly, messy, disappointing and heartbreaking, while at the same time, the most beautiful thing that we could imagine.  If we presented this messy version of worship life, I think we would be surprised that the very thing we think will push people away will be what draws them in.  Repetitive authenticity may not get you  a mega church but it will transform lives.

For the first time in my life, whether as a lay believer in Christ or as a ministry leader, I can stop being an actor in this porn production.  There are days that I really am just not feeling it.  There are days that I want to swear at people and tell them that I want to be alone.  It isn't always attractive, in fact it is down right ugly.  I cry and whine and complain, I make promises that I don't keep, I declare something to be true that I then have to back out of.  I will give and give and give while all the while playing in my head the way that you will one day owe me a favor.  Sometimes, I don't really feel the text I have to share, I don't like the language in confession or absolution, the wording of the hymn of the day rubs me the wrong way.  There are days that I am a little shaky on the belief thing. But, for the first time in my life, I really like me.  Not the me that I choose to show to you on any given day but the best version of me that I can muster on that day.  It isn't sexy, it won't get you excited, it is rarely full of energy but I can promise that it is real.  That's all I have to offer.   That's the part of marriage that I now love the most.  It's the part where you are just as in love with your spouse when they have bad breath, bad hair, a bad attitude and kid's puke stains on their shirt.  That's the kind of relationship I stay devoted to God in.  A relationship where I don't have to brush my teeth before saying good morning.  I don't have to put on a false face.  I don't have to pretend to enjoy the things that I don't enjoy and I don't have to create a production to impress anyone.  On my best days, I try to rest in these two things:

Every single bit of me is beautifully and wonderfully made.

and

I am loved, just as I am.

Like a Fart in Church

Some of my earliest childhood memories are of the times I spent with my neighbor.  He was 6 or 7 years older than me but always took time to play with me.  He taught me numerous songs that gave such profound wisdom. A whole form of bubbles makes a mass

Look out little brother, I've got gas

A whole group of bubbles, in my heart

Look out little brother, I've gotta fart

We would sing these songs, wander between our properties, play catch, watch music videos, play Atari and ColecoVision, set ants on fire, and set traps in his dad's garden, all before noon.  I remember one day in particular where we had been exploring in his backyard when we came across a dead woodchuck.  His dog Tilly had caught the woodchuck and then left it in the yard to be discovered by its masters.  I don't think I had seen a dead animal, besides maybe a mouse, this close before.  I certainly had never seen what would happen next.  My neighbor took his walking stick and lightly pushed on the stomach of the woodchuck.  This tiny creature let out a fart.  I'm not super proud of my laughter at this discovery but to my 5 year old self, it was the craziest thing I had ever experienced.  What I understand now, that I didn't back then, is that bacteria begin breaking down a dead organism which creates an awful smelling gas.  The pressure that this gas creates is what caused the dead woodchuck to fart.

I was thinking about this experience this week when I read about the sun.  The sun is dying  at the rate of 600 billion tons of gas every second.  The light from this burn is what heats the earth and keeps us from being a ball of ice.  In a certain sense, the sun's death is part of what sustains life here on earth, at least for several billion years.  Imagine if, like the woodchuck, the sun stored that gas created within itself.  That would be one hot fart.

Here's where I hope my sophomoric humor gains some traction.  I'm afraid that much of the church has become nothing more than a "hot fart".  All of creation, the words of the prophets and the teachings of Jesus, are constantly showing us that life actually comes from death.  The death of God in Jesus and the resurrection, the way that a burned forest actually creates more fertile ground, manure in a corn field and yes, even that little woodchuck as it eventually decomposes.  Death is always bringing about new life and yet we are scared to death of it.

Every new encounter that we have, every risk to enter into relationship, is in some way a small death to ourselves.  We give up some component of ourselves as we relate to another human being.  Maybe we don't like when someone talks so loud or so fast, maybe we think their perfume is too strong or wish they would have brushed their teeth.  Maybe we prefer people without tattoo's or piercings, people that don't swear so much or those who avoid confrontation.  I think that is the beauty and the struggle of our human experience.  We all bring such variety to the table.  What churches have done though, is streamlined the process to find your group that requires the least amount of dying.  Even within the same congregation you can find multiple service times that offer a variety of worship styles.  You can live your entire life in a congregation without really experiencing anyone who feels differently than you on any topic.  Even if some small deaths do occur, as we are welcoming and receptive to those different than ourselves, I fear that these small deaths are only occurring within the confines of our congregation or denomination.  Too many of us are fighting to keep the status quo, keep it within the walls, don't give an inch or they'll take a mile.  Seek the old path, get your new members to assimilate as soon as possible.  You see the death of Jesus was for the sake of an expanding kingdom, an inclusive kingdom, a receptive kingdom.  The death of Jesus was calling all of us to die.  Begging us to enter into conversation and relationship, willing to let a part of us die and then to do it again and again.  That we would believe that the new life that would grow from our small deaths would grow something beautiful.

Unfortunately, much of the church is still refusing to die.  The fear of death has caused many to build the walls higher and dig the trenches deeper.  Now with the doors of the church closed and the windows shut tight, even the small examples of death they can muster (usually deciding to allow some different form of worship, rearrange the chairs or even letting a women lead a prayer) are trapped inside those walls and not a spectacle for a desperate world to see.  So even when the waiting world works up the courage to poke at the newly constructed walls, perhaps to see if anything at all still happens there,  I fear they may find nothing but a fart in church.

It doesn't have to be this way.  Open the doors, get outside, remember that the death of Jesus was outside of the city gates.

Hebrews:11Although the high priest brings the blood of animals into the Holy Place as a sacrifice for sin, the bodies are burned outside the camp. 12 And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood.13Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace He bore.…

Allow new relationships with people who think, act and feel differently than you, change you.  The small deaths that you will experience as you begin to see the world through another's eyes will be the very places that new life springs up.  I pray that the church will look a lot more like a sun, or maybe THE Son, than a dead woodchuck.  It's a whole heck of a lot brighter and much less stinky.

Observing the Unknown

One of my favorite things to do as a family is to sit on our comfy couch, all six of us, and watch the latest kid's movie release.  Our youngest doesn't sit too still and unfortunately my wife or I will, purely by habit, glance at our phones.  For the most part we are all with one another, fully present to the moment.  Last night was one of those movie nights for us.  Alivia, our 6 year old is entering this phase of life where she wants to know what is going on, like immediately.  She went with the girls to a performance of Beauty and the Beast, and while her sister sat in wonder and sang along to the whole performance, Alivia asked questions the entire time.  She had a similar experience last night while we all watched The BFG   (The Big Friendly Giant).  "Who's that?", "What's he doing?", "Where are they going?"  She can't help herself.  The suspense is more than she can bear.  What we continued to tell her was that we were experiencing this for the first time as well.  "Let's watch and see, Alivia".  Not only did she miss much of the movie because of her anxiety and questions, along with my wife and I, but she missed the wonder of it all. This experience was fresh in my mind this morning as I was reading Richard Rohr's latest book, The Divine Dance.  In the book, Rohr talks of how in the line of Christian mysticism there have been two ways of knowing.

"The first way of knowing, which was more commonly practiced, was called kataphatic (seen according to light) or the "positive" way, relying on defined words, clear concepts, pictures, and rituals.  Christ as Logos, image, and manifestation embodies this kataphatic, or via positiva, pole.  

And when religion is healthy, happy and mystical, the way of light needs to be balanced by the apophatic (against the light) or "negative" way of darkness, knowing beyond words and images through silence, darkness, open space, and releasing the need to know.  This via negativa is represented by the Ground of Being, or "Father". " 

For the last 500 years or so, according to Rohr, the apophatic has all but disappeared from Christian thought and worship.  We are obsessed with knowing.  We have contests among Christian youth to see who "knows" the most.  We have debates and proof texting to verify and in the middle of it all, the negative space of the apophatic is avoided like the plague.  We just can't seem to be comfortable with not knowing an answer.  Especially for those in leadership, there is this great pressure to know the right answer at the right time.  People become restless with not knowing.  It feels like free falling backwards into a great darkness.  For those who may be unfamiliar with the tradition of the apophatic, it feels an awful lot like losing one's faith.

For Alivia, watching that movie last night, unknowing was more than she could take.  For many Christians, the pressure of not knowing all of the answers, the particulars, the reasons, leads them to beg unknowable answers from the nearest clergy.  Unfortunately, there are one too many clergy who are eager to put their "member's" questioning minds at ease.  My wife and I could have done that with Alivia during the movie last night.  The truth is, even though we had read the book by that same title at some point in our childhood, we didn't remember or "know" what was going to happen next.  We could make guesses based on what was playing out in front of us, but movies have a funny way of throwing curveballs every once and awhile.  This is how it is with our faith.  We have some things that we can hold such as sacrament, scripture, Saints, sermons and even experiences that we have received some sort of insight from.  We have the experience of Eucharist every Sunday but as we reflect on this act, we have this unknown of how bread becomes flesh and wine becomes blood.  How when we partake within our communities we participate with Christ in being broken and poured out for the sake of the world.  The more we hold these holy experiences with humility and the less we try to explain and categorize them, the more they retain their power to move us.  Perhaps we have become too skilled in our explanations of what is happening on the cross, at the table and in the grave.

So what we ended up trying to teach Alivia through this experience was this;  You have to take the words and images that you see and use them to decipher what is happening and to dream of what may happen.  If you see something that you aren't sure what it is or what it means, remember it, be amazed by it, but don't over analyze it.  Let the movie play out before you.  Be willing to be surprised by making a mistaken assumption of what was happening, or being wrong about the type of character you thought you were seeing and just hold tight as it is revealed on the screen.

So the challenge for me in faith is very much the same.  We have been given the history of God's people, the first and second testaments, the sacraments, all as tools to learn and discern who God is, what He is up to, and how we can participate with Him.  But let us never make the mistake of believing those things to be God or another member of the Trinity.  Let us never think that God or his ways can fully be known.  When Moses asked, no, begged God to give him His name, he told Moses "I AM who I AM".  That was enough for Moses.  He was willing to watch it all play out with that simple reassurance.  The reassurance came in part through the realization that God could not be fully know.  God is too big for that.  Let that be enough.  It is the Spirit that does the work of hovering between the known and the unknown, the darkness and the light, certainty and doubt, and even death and life.  The moment we demand to know, we rush to know, we pretend to know, we assume the work of the Spirit.  I have learned that the Holy Spirit is a lot better at holding tension than I am.  We don't have to know it.  That's as good of news as any.  We get to observe in wonder and awe at this great story that plays out in front of us.  It doesn't mean that we are inactive. We are active observers, moved by the Spirit of God for the sake of His creation.  We will guess wrong about the characters in the tale.  Some that we believe to be heroes are actually villains and those we feared at the beginning of the tale become our greatest allies and teachers.  But, this only happens if we balance the apophatic and kataphatic so that they exist in a "non-dual consciousness called faith".

So, I leave you with a prayer that was included in the book.  I pray that it helps to navigate this tension through the work of the Spirit.

God for us, we call you Father.

God alongside us, we call you Jesus. 

God within us, we call you Holy Spirit.

You are the eternal mystery that enables, enfolds, and enlivens all things,

Even us and even me.

Every name falls short of your goodness and greatness.

We can only see who you are in what is.

We ask for such perfect seeing-

As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be.

Amen

And Yet Even Now

What was the price given for a soul such as yours? I see you sold it because the waters you sail on the sea of pass fail, your ship crushing the wails of humanity asking for a hand up were getting too rocky to navigate.

Your compass' been broken, now a token of Pastor so and so, the late.

Your wind was the whim of one nation under the God of greed Forgetting that so many bleed out forgotten The mana in the storehouse now rotten Full of worms, full of dust, but we must rely on daily bread Not a head of knowledge, puffed up, whose empty cup is a colander, replacing wonder with certainty, if a man is hurt than he must've deserved it.

So lets check the text that you thump on the heads of the sinners and hexed.  Let's see the words of your "lord" as he describes the kind of kingdom his word rings true in.  I'll line up the blessings of Christ with the zeitgeist of evangelicalism, fundamentalism cloaked in false love, a clipped wing dove in a cage.  A sight to behold but a ghost of the real thing.

Here we go

The meek are mocked, their peaceful protest leading to the innocent locked up in cells of shame, they'll never work again, not with a record like that. Men should be strong and women the lesser, even though every confessor knows,  Mary carried God in her womb, was the first to his tomb.  The meek inherit the earth be carrying hope, full term.

The poor are blessed, if they kneel to the God of the West. Work for a living for a man who is giving them death in the way he enslaves to a paycheck. Be at their beck and call. Work nights to keep the lights on in a house you barely see.  A family who pleads for one more hour, one more day, play catch in the yard but it's hard when you haven't slept in weeks.

Those who hunger and thirst must be the worst of the worst or else why is there no remedy. I don't know, let me see, build one less weapon of war, docked on the shore of a land kept free by might. What about the freedom that comes in being right, not the dualistic fight, but righteousness. Kept free because you are kind and just. That freedom comes at a price we won't allow, too hard to lay down your gun for a plow to see lions feed on the same straw as cows. Now that would be something. To see blessing in persecution, not killing our enemies through electrocution. Seeing them as good, made of the same stuff, saying enough is enough of an eye for an eye.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.  Mercy, not your condemnation, see that ship has sailed.  Your false mercy pales in comparison to the real thing. The law saves no one, God does that, through those who don't point in judgement at the drop of a hat.  Looking for someone to step out of line because "their sin is different than mine".  The merciful don't offer vinegar to the thirsty, something worse to he who's laying in a desert of despair, not only not caring but wishing ill.  Is there no balm in Gilead, or is it being hoarded for the "elect".  Well, last I checked, it was the World God so loved.

And yet even now says the Lord, he offers that mercy you refused.  That mercy you used up, packaged for sale at Family Christian through InterVarsity Press.  Selling the best for the "blessed", well,  this mercy is available to those who repent.  Just change your mind from being hell bent on sending people there.  Tear your heart not your clothes, once you know the conditions they were made in, that savings bin you pulled them from will never look the same.  Return to the Lord for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  The world is crying for a love like that.  The kind that can't be shaken or stirred by a word or misstep.  The kind that's awakened by a bird and hyssop.  So God, renew our hearts and our spirit, if you speak, let us hear it.  You are making all things new, that includes the pews of our temples, our steeples, the hearts and minds of the peoples of this spinning dot.  The power you've got was enough for me.  That's saying a lot.

Lament

A couple of nights ago, Everett was sharing his normal end of the evening thoughts with Niki.  I think I have shared on here before that Everett has a way of saving up all of his deepest thoughts before finally opening up just as we are trying to get him to go to sleep.  That particular evening he shared with Niki, "Mom.  I'm afraid of Donald Trump winning".  Though Niki shared a similar fear, she did what good Mom's do and asked "Oh, honey.  Why are you afraid".  His reply has stuck in my head and has been pounding to match the throbs of my depression induced headache this morning.  He said "I'm not afraid for me, I'm afraid for my black and brown friends".  Some of you may read that and roll your eyes and some of you may think we let our kid hear too much of our talk about the election.  I'm guessing for many of you though, you have similar stories of uttered or repressed fears that we have seen in our children.  Niki was thoughtful and was able to reassure him that there are good people in this world and that we will all fight to make sure that his friends would be protected but to be honest, I'm a little afraid too. Let me be clear, I don't think that the danger in this world or all of the hate, racism and bigotry that so many people experience on a daily basis can be blamed on Donald Trump.  I'm pretty sure that we have elected some pretty horrible people in this nation's past.  The thing that scares me today is this rising boldness in people who hold some extremely hate filled beliefs.  I feel a lot like Everett this morning.  I'm afraid for my gay friends, my African American friends, women, those who hold different religious beliefs or those who have no religious beliefs at all.  This morning I have seen notes placed on a young Lesbian woman's car, gloating about a Trump win and telling her to repent or "burn in hell".  I have seen people in North Carolina, dressed in KKK hoods and robes, dancing on a bridge for all who pass under the bridge to see.  I have seen people tie this Presidential victory to God's chosen plan for our country and calling Donald Trump "God's elect".

I know that everyone that voted for Donald Trump is not a racist.  This was a confusing election.  My dude Bernie Sanders was out in the primaries and I wasn't super pumped about Hillary but whenever I started to think about not voting for her, my mind went to those who had more at stake in the election.  My friends who now have to wonder if a business will refuse them service because they are gay.  They have to wonder if the marriage they have to their partner that they love and are fully devoted to, will no longer be recognized as legal.  Many Muslims who have heard the talk of them being deported or if they leave the country they have to wonder if they will be let back in.  Not to mention the threats of violence against them as individuals or their places of worship.  For my African American brothers and sisters, in a time where police brutality and wild incarceration rates for young black men and many other pressing concerns, they wonder how much longer they will have to endure racial injustice.  For all of the people, including family members, who rely on welfare programs to eat and have a roof over their heads.  When I started to think more about what would be the best for the people who are under represented in our political sphere, my vote became less difficult.

Today, many people are calling for everyone to get over it and move on in unity.  I say, not so fast.  I say that isn't your call.  Not if you never have had to worry about your marriage being termed invalid.  Not if you have never literally had to look over your back because of your religious beliefs.  Not if you have never had to worry about being beaten or unfairly treated by a police officer when you were pulled over.  Not if you have never had your people group called a bunch of thugs and racists by the person who just won the presidency.  The time for reconciliation will come, you just don't get to push the agenda.  I suggest, for those Trump supporters who are waiting to move on and get along with things, while you are waiting you try and see things from someone's perspective other than your own.  I know you were afraid of losing your rights but I promise you, that fear is a very realistic one for many Americans this morning.

As for my son Everett, I am so proud to call him my son.  As I have been in a funk today and unsure about the future of things, I find hope in this one thing.  We will one day leave this country to brilliant, compassionate people like him.  I guarantee that our children will do better than we have.  May the God of peace work wonders in our hearts, for the sake of future generations.

You, Wonderful You

My oldest son is so kind to share a room with his baby brother.  There is a seven year age gap and I think it is pretty cool that a 9 year old is cool with sharing space with a 2 year old.  Either my wife Niki or I usually have to lay in the room until little Archie falls asleep.  Well, we have found that just before bed is the one time that Everett's mind slows down enough to share any of the details of his day.  He will talk for 30 to 40 minutes, more if we allowed it, about Minecraft, some music he had heard that day, some comedy routines he is working on (for his own amusement), or what the latest news from school is.  Last night Niki was laying in their room waiting for Archie to fall asleep.  Archie had just rolled over, tucked his knees under his belly, butt sticking up, adorable face turned to the side when he let out a sigh that signaled he was ready for sleep.  Everett was staring with wonder at his baby brother when he said "he's just so funny".  He went on to tell about all of the funny things that Archie had done that day, how he put a stuffed BB-8 on his Thomas Trains and was giving it a ride, his laughter, the way if you don't keep one eye on Archie, you may get hit in the head with a toy.  Everett then went on to tell his favorite things about his other siblings.  "Alivia is just so talented.  She's a great dancer and artist, and she's just a strong person".  "Judah is always writing and singing songs and she's so loving".  I think we could all learn from that example of an end of the day reflection.  Everett chose to celebrate the unique traits that his siblings exhibit. The truth is, our kids are quite different from one another.  Everett lives a good part of his life in his head.  It is only when he opens his mouth and manages to speak above a mumble that you hear the wisdom that he possesses.  It must be difficult for someone who appreciates quiet like he does to deal with his sister Alivia who is quite "in your face" with her feelings and emotions.  She's dramatic and brilliantly talented but in a totally different way.  Judah is the type of kid who I'm pretty sure just sees pink rainbows and hears magical fairies singing all the time.  She laughs and hums to herself and loves snuggling up to whoever will give her their lap.  Archie is bold and athletic.  He goes a million miles an hour until he can't go anymore.  His sleep is as active as his play.  He tosses and flips and turns his way over the bed.  I've never met a child who's personality shows itself more, even in slumber.  That's why I love Everett's kind words for his siblings even more.  He celebrated their differences.

Too You

"Too You" was what I had originally titled this post.  I had written a whole post about how we are so good at finding the aspects of each other's personalities that drive us crazy but I didn't know how to finish it until I remembered what Everett had done.  I realized that's where I needed to start.  It is true though, if we are a quiet person then other people are too loud, if we are direct and bold, we hate it when people don't share what's on their mind, if we are conservative we resent a person that lives a bit more free.  What we really mean when we say that a person is  "too ____" is that they aren't enough like us.  That's a tougher truth to handle.  Our inner critic comes out and we observe everyone we come in contact with.  It's as if there is this perfect idea of the way we want people to be in this world, even though I don't know if we would even recognize it if we saw it.  We really see this played out in Social Media more than anywhere else.  All of the pent-up rage that people feel, having to walk this earth with people that think and behave differently from them, comes out in every comment section.  People are too conservative, too liberal, too progressive, too reckless, too giving, too needy, too inclusive, too fat, too skinny, it is enough to make your head explode.  I am convinced that Facebook scrolling has trained our minds to make snap decisions about people and their opinions.  I think it started as a defense mechanism to keep ourselves sane.  If you weren't in the right mental and emotional space while you were on Facebook, you might see a post from someone who is a a supporter of the "other" political party and to keep yourself from hating that person you made a quick judgement.  You made an assumption about what they were probably saying and decided to read or keep scrolling.  That might be a good thing, in some way, but what is happening is that those quick judgements have actually created a mind of their own.  We have stopped assessing what a person is saying and instead have made up our minds before we hear what they have to say.  That is a BAD thing.  Navigating Facebook can be like walking an active minefield.  I feel the tension as I scroll, half hoping that I on't see anything that makes me mad and half hoping that I do so I can get the last word in.  Lord, have mercy.

A person's goodness is not bound by what they think about politics.  A person's holiness is not exclusively tied to the picture or meme that they shared for the day.  It is not in the outfit they decided to wear, the non-profit they support, the bands they like to listen to.  It is not in whether they homeschool or not, if they celebrate halloween, Christmas, Kwanza,  Yom Kippur, Ramadan or any other day.  Who they are is not exclusive to their opinions about vaccines or health food.  People are good because they are beautifully and wonderfully made.  People are complex, confusing and intersecting beings.  The way that a person's environment, up bringing, religious affiliation (or lack of one), diet,  and culture all play into what they say and do is astounding.  But we don't celebrate that.  Instead of taking the time to see a person's uniqueness we are stuck in the rut of trying to boil a person's many traits into one clever meme.

I'm taking a page from Everett's book of wisdom.  He didn't see his sister that sometimes can be so hyper that she hurts him as annoying.  He saw the beauty in her strength and energy.  So I too refuse to see someone's post or hear that conversation in a coffee shop and label them as too conservative or as fundamentalists.  Those people are people trying to figure all of this craziness out, just like me.  They are complex beings that have millions of factors that play into what I see for a split second in public or every day from what they choose to share on Social Media.  They have fears and failures, dreams and ambitions that I am unaware of.  I need them, just as much as they need me.  I am trying to learn that it is better to celebrate the good than to critique the misunderstood.  Lord, this is my prayer for today, and a cry for fresh mercy tomorrow.

Confessions

"Guard your rights!" white flight's left the grounded plight of the black man's fight

One man soars and clips wings while the old spiritual sings "we shall overcome"

futures are lost and won on the streets while the rich white man's son beats and rapes,

those asleep, unaware, underprepared, ill equipped to face the grip of male privilege

He got off early, for "white behavior" dad golfs with a judge, in the den he gave him a nudge, "remember when I did that thing for your son".

It's a good ol boy's network, stacking decks while the necks of the poor, the brown and women wear crowns of shame

while the lame struggle to dip a toe in the pool, white fools playing Marco Polo, in their Polos and khakis, riding with the top down with some congressional lackey

"Real power rests with the people" and now the fundamentalists steeples, erected to fly high in the square

But the cross no longer represents those sworn to death, but the kind of death their unrighteous judgement brings to gay men and women, looking to those who are supposed to represent love, to acknowledge their love for one another.

They're all looking elsewhere, cause' the cross has been swapped for a sword

The grieved Spirit quenched by the lord of pride, not for the one who died, but the pied piper of consumerism, rallying the elect and erect fat men of Wall Street to meet the demands of first our minds and now our hearts, cause that's where it starts

The revolution of our evolutionary man.  Buy more, use, discard, rinse, repeat as necessary.  We will just bury the evidence in an unmarked grave, resurrected as retro, and we'll all be saved.

To wrap it up, WE did this.  I mean we white men, we white colonial, land stealing, blood dealing men, have this in our DNA

We can keep trying to wash it free but to you and me

life was cut short, land claimed, slaves whipped and maimed,

to those who just turned their heads, that man is dead because YOU didn't speak up

You lived privileged and white, as if your privilege doesn't come at a price.

Jesus paid it all, yes, but the banks are coming for interest.

Wrangling Over Words

A couple of years ago, when I was still in Pontiac doing ministry, I ran into a friend from college.  We were both trying to figure out what faithfulness and this whole Christianity thing looked like, back then, and it was good to see that both of us had grown to become more engaged with ministry in different ways.  We happened to cross paths at a dinner that a non-profit was hosting and he accidentally left his change of shoes at our church building.  It was his idea that maybe he could come on a Sunday morning for bible study and church and grab the shoes he had left while he was there.  I was excited to have another meet up and for him to get to experience a Sunday morning at our church.  I had warned him that it may be a little different than what he was used to.  Our building, at the time, was right smack dab in the middle of downtown Pontiac.  We had begun serving breakfast to our homeless brothers and sisters before bible study and had invited anyone to stick around for service.  We had some amazing relationships form with many of the people who found their way to our building on a Sunday morning.  Relationships that have outlasted my time in Pontiac.  We also had some people who would find their way into our building on Sunday morning that may have got an early start on alcohol consumption for the day, some who were understandably angry, and many who suffered from some form of mental illness.  So I warned my friend that each Sunday morning was different.  To loosely quote Forrest Gump "Our Sunday mornings are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get".

The Sunday he showed up was an interesting one to say the least.  We had a few arguments that happened during breakfast, I couldn't possibly remember what about, and he showed up as bible study was beginning.  We had some strong readings from scripture and many passionate testimonies of how the text was speaking directly to people's lives.  Well, at some point the testimonies and interpretations turned into one-upping and arguments.  I don't know how we got there but at one point people were lifting shirts to reveal knife and gun shot scars, arguing about who understood hard living better than the other.  This was the point where my friend decided to make his exit.  He looked at me, with eyes wide and fearful and said, "This *$%& is crazy, I've got to go".  I don't blame him.  I mean it was crazy and shouldn't have happened.  Add to it, that this was probably as far from his church experience growing up as a person could get.  As he left, he said I could just keep his shoes and give them to someone who needed them and he was gone.

What made me think of that story this morning was one of the Lectionary texts for the week.

2 Timothy: 2:14 Remind them of this, and warn them before God that they are to avoid wrangling over words, which does no good but only ruins those who are listening.

2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved by him, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly explaining the word of truth.

What my friend had walked into on that Sunday morning was a wrangling over words.  People were arguing over what it really looked like to live a hard life, who could truly identify with the author of a text, who's interpretation carried more credibility.  It brought ruin to at least one person who was listening.  The good thing is that I am sure that my friend returned to his congregation, probably had an interesting story to tell, and maybe even struggled with what he had seen, but he is still a believer.  What scares me about the way that "believers" can wrangle over the words of a text is the way that they have little to no care for the observers of their wrangling.  My friend was troubled to the point that he walked away, but he was already a believer.  What of those who on any given Sunday morning, built up the courage to walk into a church building for the first time in a long time or maybe the first time ever.  What if those brave visitors never come back.  I have sat in on many Sunday morning bible studies, elder meetings, and home study groups, where the members argue about interpretations of a text.  Move it out to Facebook and Twitter, comment sections of blogs, and reviews of books and you will see people spitting venomous critique of the way that another person has experienced God and reads scripture.  We are wrangling over words and I fear bringing ruin to the observer and ourselves.

I think part of the problem with this text from 2 Timothy is in the following verse.  We read "rightly explaining the word of truth" and our minds go to the idea that we can somehow hold the "right" understanding.  So now our arguments are an attempt to make sure the other person has the right understanding of the word of truth.  But the text says "rightly explaining".  The challenge is in explaining what we understand to be true in a right or righteous way. Just as the verse says that a wrangling of words can bring ruin, I believe that a righteous sharing of your view of the truth can bring new life.  How many times have we heard this, "It's not what you said it's how you said it."?  There is a world full of people that consider themselves spiritual and looking for truth.  If the church is stuck wrangling over words those seekers certainly aren't going to focus their attention on the church because it wasn't what you said, it was how you said it.  Let's be more concerned with righteous telling than right knowing.  I think that is the only proper disposition to receive true wisdom from God.

Blindspot

One of the most difficult things to teach a new driver is the task of checking your blindspot.  All of us who have been through driver's training may or may not remember being taught this in a class or a book but I guarantee we remember that feeling in our gut when we started to change lanes and didn't notice the driver in our blindspot.  It is a similar feeling to a roller coaster dropping suddenly.  The floor gives out from under our feet and we are left having to make a sudden reaction to avoid a collision.  The funny thing about these encounters is the emotion attached to it by the driver "fooled" by their blindspot.  Instead of embarrassment or humility, we usually respond with anger towards the person in our blindspot.  We hate being fooled and the we hate, even more, being fooled by a some sort of deficiency originating from within our space.  The car is our home for much of the day, a place of safety and personal time where we directly impact our direction and speed.  If we don't want to get hit, we stop at stop signs and lights, we mostly follow the posted speeds, we wait for openings when merging.  We feel that our minds can communicate to our bodies the safest decisions to get us to our desired destination in the most efficient way.  A blindspot throws all of that out the door.  We can't see the vehicle moving at a high rate of speed, the same speed we are traveling, positioned just out of sight and it makes us mad. We have a tendency to believe what we hear or see.  At least for the first few moments, we suspend disbelief and take in a piece of information and believe it to be true.  Our rational minds may then go to work to prove or disprove what we are seeing or hearing but there is a moment that our understanding is fact.  Just like when we glance in the rearview mirror, put on our blinker and change lanes, we believe that the adjacent lane is free of travelers because we saw it in that way.  Our minds don't naturally receive what we see, as false.  We are confident that what we saw or have heard is true.  The car, traveling nearly beside us, is a harsh awakening to our limited understanding of the reality of things.

Social Blindspot

There is quite  a bit of research in the field of Psychology on this subject of Social Bias.  Most people wouldn't debate the fact that we all carry some form of bias into our social interactions.  We all have lived different lives in different places and it does impact the way that we believe.  Research shows that even though we are aware that we are directly impacted by these ways of thinking, we think we are impacted to a lesser degree than everyone else.  So when we form an opinion about civil rights infractions, the gay marriage debate, the refugee crisis, etc, we think we have reasoned our response better than other Americans.  This is a potentially dangerous finding.  We aren't seeing clearly but we think our view is clear enough to change lanes.

One article I read on the topic by Nathan A Heflick PhD, discusses the issue of "The Bias Blindspot".  He discusses the issue of gun control in our country.  Everyone comes to the discussion with some sort of bias.  There is research on both sides of the debate that could be convincing, but for the most part we will only validate the research that agrees with our position.  No matter what we see, we refuse to change our minds.  To take it further, studies found that the more convinced that we were seeing things correctly and were not operating out of bias, the more likely we are to settle the conflict with some violent means.  I thought it was fascinating that the likelihood of whether or not you would defend your belief with violence had less to do with your position than how you held that position.

At the end of the article, Heflick says,

"I think it is essential to solving social problems to realize this bias to think we are not biased exists, because if we do not, it is like both sides of an issue are banging their heads against the wall. They think we are just as insane as we think they are. But, I imagine, with effort we can all try and undo this tendency and try and be less biased than we are." 

In my opinion, the majority of the responsibility for erasing social bias must fall on those who hold most of the power.  The reason that you have a blind spot when you are driving down the highway, is because you are ahead of the vehicle to your right.  Socially speaking, it is similar.  When you hold more power, i.e. "White Privilege", it is difficult to see clearly those who are behind you.  Heflick says that we have to follow the studies and the research.  We can't even rely on our emotions.  If we have an angry response to the notion of "White Privilege" we may have our social vision obscured by a blindspot.  If our response to "Black Lives Matter" is "All Lives Matter" or "Blue Lives Matter" it is further evidence that our bias is preventing us from seeing another person's perspective.  "White Privilege" has been in the passing lane, zooming past the disenfranchised for far too long.  It is difficult to realize that our careless lane change could cause a collision.

Blindspots in Faith

In the same way that we can socially be blind to another perspective, we have a long history of this problem in religion.  We have beliefs that we hold to that we were taught when we were young or vulnerable, not that that is a bad thing, and we have a hard time seeing in a different way.  It's like seeing a pig and being told to believe that pink pig is purple.  Everything in what we have understood about pigs and the color pink tell us that pig is pink.  We have to discount our own eyes and the way that we process information to be able to believe that in some way that pig may be purple.  So maybe that is a ridiculous example so let me make it more real.

For centuries, people read scripture and were convinced that slavery is endorsed by God.  Even within the New Testament we have scriptures that outline the way that a slave and his master should treat one another.  While this was progressive for its time, it still fell well short of prophetically speaking out about owning another human being.  If you hold to the belief that scripture is merely a historical document, a blueprint for the way that we interact with one another, then that scripture is going to be a challenge.  Something has to give, either you change the way that you view scripture and free the people you have "owned", or you stick with your view of scripture and justify slavery.  Because of the bias of the people who ruled and those who were in charge of publicly interpreting scripture, and the fact that many of them owned slaves, the literal an immovable reading of scripture prevailed.  They had a major bias that they believed with such veracity that the violently opposed those who would challenge it.

This is in our recent history, friends.  This isn't some distant past that we have been able to overcome through a growing rational mind.  We still think in this way.  We are still impacted by limited objectivity.  You are biased.  The things you believe about faith and scripture, society and culture, are deeply imbedded in your core.  Some people will never allow some new piece of information, evidence or testimony to impact them.  These are usually the places that violence originates from.  Let's agree to not be like that.  What if we limited the things that we believed to a few "essentials"?  What if we took the testimony from those who suffered under "white privilege", gun violence, the stealing of ancient ceremonial land, bombs from an invading army, ruthless bullying because of sexual identity, what if we took these things and gave them the same value as we do our biases?  Maybe we won't change our minds.  Maybe we will still feel the same way as we always did, for now.  I'm certain that we will at least be more likely to respond to a human being that thinks differently than us with more grace and humility.  I'd say that is at least a good start.

Share the 20%

I know I am not alone in this but I often feel like an alien in my own body.  That's quite a way to lead off, I know, but it is one of the most true things I could say.  It is strange to be 38 and feel like you're really not sure who you are.  I think some of how I have existed in this world is almost a sort of trying on different ways of being.  I don't mean to imply that I have been in anyway inauthentic.  I'm not intentionally putting on different skin to try out for a day, I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin much of the time.  Add to it that from a very young age we are taught a certain way of being in the world.  Hyper children are medicated, loud kids are told to be quiet, messy kids are told to clean up, all of us are constantly told to hurry up.  With all of the medication, the correction and the discouragement, we are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.  We proclaim a one size fits all way of behaving.  There is little to no time for us to figure out who we really are.  For many people, that time of self discovery happens in college.  That is the first time that we don't have someone saying all of those things we heard as children, "you're going to be late", "clean your room", "you're being too loud", "turn that down", etc.  It is the time in our lives where we can try on some behaviors, for better and for worse, and see how they "fit".  The problem, I suspect for many of us, is that sometimes we keep a way of being that we were never meant to wear.  From a young age we were being taught to conceal our true nature.  

I remember when I was just about to graduate with my degree in Psychology that I felt like I could change the world.  I searched all of the possible jobs I might be able to get with my new piece of paper that declared I had a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology.  When Niki and I got married, we agreed that the amount of money that we made didn't really matter.  That gets challenged the second you start getting your own bills and Student Loan payback starts.  I felt like playing the part of an adult meant getting a job that paid well.  That was my one requirement.  I didn't worry about whether or not the work was fulfilling, the anxiety and worry associated with the work, ethics and morals were nowhere in my decision making process.  I need to say here that I am thankful for the opportunity to work in the insurance field for nearly a decade but it was definitely not me.  I was still playing a part that my essence did not agree with.  I was agin being asked, by the corporate world to conceal and hold back.

Fast forward that decade of insurance work and I was finding that I couldn't keep putting on the uniform of suit and tie and sit in a cubicle.  I don't usually like the language of "calling" but that is exactly what was happening.  I felt like my soul was expanding, stretching and nearly exploding from my inner-most being.   I knew I couldn't ignore the pull which was leading me to ministry.  I didn't know what it looked like, though I knew it would not fill those needs I thought were so vital when I first left college of money and general security.  Making that decision, with the full unwavering support and encouragement from my brilliant wife, is one of the best decisions we have ever made.  But, I fell in the same trap again.  I was being told what leadership should look like.  "Put on a game face", "make sure everything looks good", "never let em' see you sad or angry", "you're in a fishbowl now", "give full energy on stage", "don't listen to them, they don't tithe anyway".  It all felt dangerously close the types of things you would hear in a corporate environment but I had done that for the last 10 years so I could play that part again.  The problem was that I couldn't.  I love all of the people that I was doing work with there but that same feeling from my inner most being was pulling, stretching and expanding.  My skin felt too tight, something had to change.

Thankfully, I got the opportunity to do ministry in Pontiac, Michigan with some of the best people ever.  I felt like I could figure out who I was while still being in the public eye.  We may argue for hours in the parking lot or spend an equal amount of time laughing and telling stories in the diner.  We shared the struggles going on at home or with our finances and we might have an unexpected pizza dropped off when things were getting hectic.  There wasn't a business plan, there wasn't a strategy, other than trying to do the types of things that Jesus might call us to do.

Even with all of the beauty of that time in Pontiac, there was still a feeling like "I can't share all of me".  It wasn't the fault of any of the people there.  I think it is the fault of the social structure that is church in the western world.  This isn't just a cynical look at the state of the church for us today.  I love the Church.  I love it so much, and the people who have answered the call as its leaders, that we have to see it change.  For some reason, for many of us, church is the one place that we CAN'T be totally honest.  It sounds absolutely crazy but even in a place of worship like we had in Pontiac, that I think was the absolute best worship community that I have ever been a part of, it felt like some people were holding back.  I felt like I was holding back.  As a leader, this just gets amplified.  If Sister so and so, or Brother who's it say that they are considering (insert most recent theological taboo topic), people may vehemently disagree but the church isn't going to fall apart over it.  This is not the case for the Pastor.  Now it isn't just an opinion of a church member.  It's almost as if people think that this new thought will require new doctrine.  Now lines are being drawn and fear begins circling through the fellowship hall and outside the front door.  Text messages and phone calls pick up as people are trying to stay one step ahead of what this could mean for the worship community.  Because of this, most leaders would admit that they really only share about 80 to 90 percent of what they are thinking theologically.  That means 10 to 20 percent of what a leader feels or is processing, remains locked in a safe place in their mind and heart.  The end result is that you never get to fully experience that person.

I am guessing that this type of behavior doesn't just exist in Pastors.  The Sunday School teacher, the beautiful people who organize meals for those who fall ill, the greeters at the door and those who stake claim to the pew in the back so as to guarantee a quick exit.  Everyone is holding back.  The result is that we are all starving and longing for real contact.  Something feels superficial even though the love that we have for each other is so deep and profound, it is still somehow incomplete.  I hear of too many Pastors committing suicide, living in a secret deep depression, feeling overwhelmed and helpless, lost and alone.  Many leaders and lay members are quietly experiencing a deconstruction of their past beliefs and the one safe place that God has given us to process all of that mess often feels like the least safe space to do so.

Creating Safe Space

I propose that this is the single most important step for our worship communities.  Nothing like making such a bold claim that will readily be discounted but I prefer to overshoot and that step back.  It is that important to our churches.  If we can't safely discuss Homosexuality without the shocked stares and the following whispers questioning a person's faithfulness then we have failed.  If we can't discuss the way that many churches have snuggled dangerously close to the empire with our blind allegiance to a political party then we have missed the mark.  If a church is so fragile that it can't look at decisions that were made decades prior and see if they are still in line with what God is doing now then was God really behind the decision in the first place.  The way we interpret scripture, creation and evolution, homosexuality, trans-gendered issues, the treatment of minorities, women's roles in the church, science, diseases, the problem of evil in this world, all of these are things that people are holding in their 20% that can't be discussed in and among too many church circles.  The problem is that the entire world is having these discussions and for some reason much of the church has closed its doors to these matters.

In this safe space, you will disagree.  In this safe space you will be hurt and mad.  In this safe space you will be asked to set aside some things you have held to for your entire life.  You will do this because you love your brother and sister THAT much.  You value their thoughts and opinions, you have worked alongside them as you served food to the community and they visited you in your darkest hour.  You will value their thoughts and opinions because you love them.  You can't love and respect 80% of a person it's kind of an all or nothing sort of thing.

To the people who are holding back, the people who are wrestling through deconstruction or trying to put the pieces back together, you can't do it alone.  You have to find someone in your church community to share that 10 to 20% with.  You may find that thing you have been struggling with alone has been the same thing that your brother or sister has been struggling with as well.  That feeling you have had, that no one gets you, is partly because you haven't shown them ALL of you.  Do it for the people who are directly impacted by these divisive issues.  Do it for the sake of the church and God's desire for it to reflect His kingdom.  Do it for the peace you will receive when you let go of the heavy load that no thing asked you to carry.  Be bold, be kind, be real.

"The Quest for Better Questions"

"The highest form of spirituality is the quest for better questions." -Kevin Kelly

I heard this quote while listening to a podcast today.  Kevin Kelly is one of the founders of Wired magazine.  You may have heard one of his TED talks about the internet or read his opinion on Artificial Intelligence or maybe you have read a copy or two of his magazine.  If you haven't, I highly suggest looking into some of his stuff.  The interview I listened to on Homebrewed Christianity was looking at how technology shapes what it means to be human.  Most of us would be a little uncomfortable with the idea of technology being able to shape humanity but if we are honest it is an undeniable fact.  When we come together, we spend a considerable amount of time glancing at our phones if not becoming fully engaged with people miles away from us while ignoring those we share air with.  When we drive somewhere, we don't worry about asking someone for specific directions and landmarks to look for because our GPS will get us there more quickly and accurately. As an added bonus, we don't have to listen to John-Boy describe the barn that sits at the corner of the street we should watch for.  I think one of the most significant ways that technology shapes humanity is in the way that we ask questions.

One of the more profound statements Kevin Kelly made in that interview was  "If you want answers you ask a machine".  This is the world we now live in.  We ask questions of machines ALL THE TIME.  In fact, we ask machines questions so often that we are beginning to lose the ability search that part of our brains that store some long lost fact we had acquired in 7th grade Social Studies.  Our brains are literally being changed.  Gaps are being closed and new ones opened.  Paths that at one point helped information travel from our memories to the place of recollection, are rarely traveled.  We also don't trust the answers we get from each other.  Because we know ourselves so well and our inability to recollect some random trivia, we are aware of our friends shortcomings.

"What movie was that, from the 90's where Brad Pitt played the stoner roommate?".

"That was True Romance with Christian Slater".

"Really?  I don't think that was it  I'm going to check Google".

There is an illusion that has been created that implies we can somehow erase ignorance.  It is a fear that so many people carry around.  We don't want to be ignorant but more than anything, we don't want to appear ignorant.  The funny thing is that technology asks the kinds of questions that create an expanded and "new ignorance" every day.  As certain technological questions are answered it leads to more and more questions.  Science has always operated in this way.  New research booms often come from the answer of one small problem that leads to an endless number of newer and more exciting questions to study.  I think this has been one of the founding cornerstones of scientific research and has been a large part of its progress.  Science doesn't feel that it has solved the problem.  It isn't afraid to ask good questions.

Expanding Theological Ignorance

I was thinking to myself, what would it look like if we, as believers, didn't take so many things for granted?  For those who are reading this that think that seems like a scary question, let me remind you of a few things that believers have "taken for granted", and gotten wrong, since their creation.

Slavery.

Women being kept silent.

The world being flat.

Sickness always being a result of sin.

Segregation.

-and the list could go on.

I'm not bringing these things to discount the good things that believers have done, or their faithfulness, I'm just saying that there is a level of ignorance that exists in our understandings of all things.  I'm also saying that it isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Ignorance can lead to good questions.  Our claiming to understand something or to have mastered it really only closes the door on further exploration.  Take for instance what Paul says to Timothy in his first Epistle.

1:15 The saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the foremost.

If we treat this verse like a proof text, then it becomes the answer to the latest Bible Bowl challenge.

"For 500 points, why did Jesus come into this world"?

"To save Sinners."

"That is correct!"

I'm not saying that I disagree with that statement but I am saying that it doesn't leave me with any feeling of completeness.  I can have peace with a saying like that but it also leaves me with a feeling of ignorance.  Thousands of books have been written about the topic.  What does a God look like who sends his son into the world to save it?  Who are the sinners?  How are we saved?  What does it mean to be saved?  What are we saved from?  I'm guessing that some of you who are reading have a quick answer for all of those questions as well.  If you are honest with yourself, you will find that each one of those answers, that I'm sure is accompanied by a scripture, has dozens of questions of their own.  The power of this trustworthy statement that Paul shares with Timothy isn't in that through it Timothy can answer the trivia question. It is in the way that a statement like that leads Timothy to ask some follow-up questions in his prayer time.

Jesus was a master at this illumination of our ignorance.  Every time a teacher of the law would come to Jesus with a question, Jesus answered with another question.  Or, worse yet for the teacher, he answered with a story.  And stories have a way of giving answers covered in more questions.  They were left saying, who is the father?, who is the son?, what are the seeds?, what is the lost sheep?, where is the neighbor?, and layer after layer after layer, on and on and on.  Jesus wasn't trying to confuse us, he was just refusing to allow our minds to settle on a simple answer in a complex world.  Jesus was trying to get the people to ask better questions.  Instead of asking if Jesus died on the cross and was raised on the third day, our question should be what should my life look like if I followed the type of God who was willing to die to reconcile and redeem this broken world?  Instead of just asking how salvation happens?, we should be asking what it would look like to participate in and proclaim its coming to this world.  When you read the story of the Prodigal Son, instead of just seeing yourself as one of the characters, ask yourself what it would be like to be any of the characters.  Have you ever been the father?, the wayward son?, the jealous brother?, the pig in the pen?, the farmer?, the food given to the pigs by the farmer?  There are so many layers of questions in the stories of Jesus that we should be asking better questions.  In the story of the seeds that fall on different types of soil, are we the seeds?, are we the soil?, are we the one throwing the seed?  I think you get my point.

Where do we go from here?

As I said at the beginning of this post, our minds ARE influenced by technology.  We have gotten a bit lazy with our asking of questions.  You direct questions with simple answers to robots.  These are the questions like who directed a certain movie, or sang that song, or who won Super Bowl IV?  Those question have closed answers for the most part and have there place.  The problem comes when we try to ask infinite questions to a finite systems.  You WILL get an answer but I have the feeling that it won't change anyone's life.  Challenge yourself to read scripture, at least occasionally, without searching for a specific question.  Take notice of the way that it hits you.  Think about the way it may feel for another group of people to read that same text.  What type of questions does it lead you to ask?  Do you feel like you just don't like it?  (It's ok to feel a certain way about scripture.  I think if we were all honest, there is at least one or two texts that don't sit well with us.)  Part of the reason that the Bible has been around for so long and has confounded and challenged some of the most brilliant minds throughout time is that it can't be solved.  Try as we may, when we think we have it figured out it has a way of colliding with our world and  producing new challenges.  Don't be afraid of asking questions.  There is no such thing as a bad question.  Scripture is littered with people asking questions.  Some of them are painful to read.  Some of them are violent and ignorant.  All of the questions that man asks of God require us to be on some level of engagement with Him.   All in all, I'd say that's a pretty good place to be.

Consider the Creator

  I’ve enjoyed living in the Grand Rapids area for many reasons but I would have to put, somewhere near the top, the love and appreciation for the arts.  We have Art Prize coming in late September-early October, where for two weeks the entire world descends upon Grand Rapids to view pieces of art from a variety of artists in countless mediums of art.  We have art museums and massive sculpture gardens, childrens museums and the list goes on and on.  If you spend any time in a museum and consider any collection of art, it is fascinating how you can begin to see the similarities between all of the pieces.  You may be able to tell who the artist is, even if you have never seen this particular piece of art.    Paintings usually have signatures at the bottom but I have found with sculptures, that often do not have a signature, their signatures are also in the way they are made.

Consider the Creator

Luke 12: 22 He said to his disciples, ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. ²³For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. ²⁴Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! ²⁵And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?^{* 26}If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? ²⁷Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;^* yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. ²⁸But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! ²⁹And do not keep striving for what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not keep worrying. ³⁰For it is the nations of the world that strive after all these things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹Instead, strive for his^* kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

This has been one of my favorite passages in scripture and if you’ve ever sat through a few of my sermons I’m sure you will have heard me quote it.  It is a reminder to not worry, that God eternally and infinitely cares for us and tends to us. What I want you to catch this time is the call to pay attention to the signature.  All over this verse we see God displaying his masterpiece, we are in the halls of the greatest museum, or sculpture garden that we could imagine and God is saying through his beloved son, “Do you see my signature”?

Do you see that I am in the bird and the flowers to see them prosper in beauty and magnificence and that I am more than pleased to work in and through you.  Do you see my signature?

What many of the sayings of Jesus allow for is deep self-reflection.  I think it is the reason that he spoke in parables, metaphor and simile.  It is so we couldn’t walk away saying, YEP, that’s what Jesus said and what he wants us to do so I will do it.  We have to ponder and reflect deeply.

Do I see God’s signature in His creation?

I start with the basic question Jesus was asking.  Are you awake, are you looking around, are you appreciating creation, are you seeing the way that it speaks to your life, are you showing more worry than a tiny bird, did you worry more about what you would wear than a fragile defenseless lilly?  Do we see that God has placed, all around us, more than enough signs, more than enough language to keep us in constant meditation and reflection, do we believe that the heaven’s declare his wonder.  Are we looking for his signature?

Is God’s signature on my life?

What type of fruit am I bearing?

Galatians 5:22-26

the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, competing against one another, envying one another.

As a child of God, who is full of the Holy Spirit that has been promised to us, we should show the signature of God in our lives.  Part of the gift of this scripture is that we can use it as a tool of self reflection.  Do I have peace, am I patient, am I kind, am I generous with my time talents and treasure, am I faithful and trusting of God, am I gentle or always overly abrasive, and do I have any self control or am I living life through impulse?

When people look at us, can they tell who has created us?  Are we image bearers of God or of the ruler of THIS age.

Is God’s signature on our church?

Matthew 16: 13 Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” 14 And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, but others Elijah, and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” 15 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” 16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah,[c] the Son of the living God.” 17 And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven. 18 And I tell you, you are Peter,[d] and on this rock[e] I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it.

It is our confession but it is He who is the builder.  Maybe the reason people are having such a hard time identifying the signature on our churches is because they look like bogus replicas of the original.  When we spend so much time and effort trying to plan, build and develop strategy, I mean people do studies of demographics when they plan, God forbid some leaders even try to economically find out in what regions they will be able to be most successful because of the amount of money that is there.  Forgives us God, we have built something that is a shell of what you imagined and then we have the nerve to put your name across the top, to hang your cross on our walls. We need to stick to the business of confessing, let Him be about the work of building.  I think most of us would agree that sounds right in theory but what does it mean to be about the business of confession, to begin being God's children and not just people who do.  

We start at square one, by asking, “what is God up to right now?”.  Not last year or when this church was built, but today, what is God up to?  And then partner with that, keep confessing and partnering with God and his people in your time and place and something happens.  It doesn’t necessarily happen as fast or on the same scale as the swift high polished business machines.

Look for God's work in this world in surprising places.  I love the shows on PBS like Antique's Roadshow where a person will bring in a piece of art that they know is old but they have no idea of its value.  I think the antique appraisers that get to share the news with them love it too.  Maybe it was just in their attic or on the bathroom wall and it had gone unnoticed and unappreciated for years.  In the same way, many of God's best works can be found in the attics of our world.  The places that eyes seldom see and ears rarely hear.  When you are obedient to go to those places and you find that God is already there and he's creating in that space our hearts start racing.  When you see that signature on the work he is creating on its surface, in the design and planted in the very soul of the thing, it will transform your life and the life of everyone who looks upon it.

This is the best we can do.  Our world is full of people promising an original and producing reprints.  It's almost as if we have forgotten the beauty that is found in each brush stroke.  The way that each color and careful stroke has a way of sharing with us, the heart of the artist.  So go, explore, spend time in museum ands homeless shelters, ocean sides and hospitals, forests and prisons.  Hike mountains and walk through cities, watch a sunrise and volunteer at a public library.  Become reacquainted with the work of the master creator while at the same time witnessing that He is still creating masterpieces.  I guarantee that you will always be surprised but never disappointed.  God speed.

I Know Not What

Do not think that the soul,That is worth much more, Finds joy and happiness In what on earth gives taste; It is beyond beauty, In what is, was or will be, That it tastes I-know-not-what That by fortune I may reach.

Whoever wants to advance Would better use care In what is left to gain Than in what he has already won; And thus aiming for the heights, I will always try For that I-know-not-what That by fortune I may reach.

What comes through the senses And may here be understood And whatever may be learned, Even though very high, Not for all that beauty Will I ever be lost, But for that I-know-not-what That by fortune I may reach.

(taken from the poem, I Know Not What-St John of the Cross)

John of the Cross says in that poem what I have struggled to put into words these past few weeks.  It seems that every day we turn on the news to see another senseless murder of a young black man, another bombing in Syria, allegations of corruption in our political system, or innocent police officers being gunned down while doing their jobs.  I think the last time I felt this way was probably just after 9-11.  I was watching the DNC convention speeches the last two nights and I saw the faces of young people who realized that Bernie Sanders would not receive the nomination.  Add to that, they felt that the democratic process had failed them.  Corruption had been working against them all along.  I want to be clear before I go on that this is not a political message, this is just what was shown on the faces of young people who for the first time in many cases, were a major part of the political process.  My heart broke for them.  I read a blog post written by a woman who saw first hand the fact that racism is alive and well as she saw young black men, escorted from public transit because of the color of their skin.  I turn on the news to see a young woman in Syria, standing in a daze, covered in blood, as she tries to make sense of the violence she has just witnessed.  The thing that rises within me can only be described as desire.  At the same time, you turn on the TV and commercials promise us a better life if we wear these clothes, drink this pop, watch this movie, get that phone, buy their insurance, we will be comforted.  They use that desire that is within us and try to redirect it to one of their products.

But desire isn't necessarily a bad thing.  I think we often associate the word desire with lust, coveting, or perversion but desire means so much more.  Desire is also what we feel when we see broken, heart wrenching images on television. Desire is what we experience when we hear stories of people experiencing misogyny, bigotry and racism.  We desire a world where we could live in peace, where the hungry were fed and the blind received sight.  A world where a person was not judged by the color of the skin but by the content of their character.  Our desires grow and change as we enter the second half of life.  We realize, hopefully, that the promises of shiny new things being able to satisfy our desires, are empty promises.  Real and deep desire is for something more than that, something that will sustain.  But like John of the Cross, we are often left desiring "I Know Not What".

Part of the work of our internal, spiritual, life is working through that question. What do we desire?  I think part of the reason that we haven't explored our desires is that we have received many warning about this word "desire".  Margaret Silf addresses this fear in a profound yet succinct manner in Wise Choices.  

“We tend to think that if we desire something, it is probably something we ought not to want or to have.  But think about it:  without desire we would not get up in the morning.  …We would never have read a book or learned something new.  No desire means no life, no growth, no change.  Desire is what makes two people create a third person.  Desire is what makes crocuses push up through the late-winter soil.  Desire is energy, the energy of creativity, the energy of life itself.  So, let’s not be too hard on desire.” 

Here's where I hope that it all starts to make sense.  The desire, for the thing I can't quite fully name as I watch the news and read disturbing tales of the evils of this world.  The desire for something other, for something just, for something merciful.  That desire is the thing that is a springboard to something great, to something of God.  As I see people who suffer, people who have not been raised with male, white-privelege (the most privileged of the middle class privileges), I actually weep.  My heart breaks and aches.  This desire for I know not what, rises with in me.  I don't have the answers but I have the desire to see something different.  I think that desire is what drives us to participate in the kingdom of God.  The work of the representative of that kingdom, at least part of it, is to let that desire drive you to dream.  Let it grow you, change you and energize you.  Let it be the thing that gets you up in the morning.  Let it be the thing that changes the way we see each other and  how we interact.  Our two choices when seeing the evils of this world are to curl up into a ball of hopelessness and do nothing, or to let the desire for something greater inspire us to  enact change.  Desire is what drove Dr King to lead people from Selma to Montgomery, Desire is what led Gandhi to gather the disenfranchised and lead them in peaceful civil disobedience against the British Empire.  A desire for hope and healing is what inspired the invention of many medical treatments and surgeries. Desire is what has led the Great Commission and it is what led Christ's voluntary journey to the cross.

Today, take inventory of your desires.  What moves you and motivates you?  What gets you up in the morning and what brings you to tears?  Those things may just be the beginning of your divine vocation.  It may be the thing that brings peace to a hurting world or it may just put a smile on someone's face.  Maybe those two things are one in the same.  Whatever desire it is that God has placed inside of you, remember, desire is a gift from God, wield it wisely.